Perspective
by shittybrat
Summary: Watching Eren's confidence and determination gradually deteriorate as he feels the weight of endless death and failure is the catalyst to a sudden change in Levi's perspective on freedom and the future of humanity. There may be no turning back, but you must make the decision that you'll regret the least.
1. Chapter 1

The night is still and quiet in our room and if I didn't know better, I would fall for the illusion of peace. In this little fleeting moment of serenity, here in this temporary refuge, there are no sounds of thundering footfalls, of whinnying horses and shouting soldiers, no screams that stop unnaturally short. The only sounds at this hour are the melodic chirping of crickets, and the soft, even breathing of the boy sleeping soundly beside me as I'm sitting up in our borrowed bed, gazing at the stars outside our window. I lean down to press a lingering kiss to his forehead and I release a long breath as I stand to take a seat at the small table that remains in this scantly furnished room.

The cool air drifting in from the broken window feels pleasant, but the scent of the air within the walls doesn't allow me to forget my inner turmoil.

I can't sleep. The stress of this decision has been weighing heavily on my mind. I haven't presented it to him yet. As well as I think I know him, I can't truly predict how he will react. I think back to the day I first met him and the fire in his eyes when he swore to kill every last titan. I look back over to him now, in the present, after so much has happened since I first took responsibility for his life in the basement that day. He's seen so much more death since then. So much more blood.

I know the guilt has been eating him alive and he's begun to doubt himself. I saw his spirit crack after our last mission, a failed one that cost too many lives, and that's what's cemented this decision in my mind. If there is any chance at all to ease the pain and hopelessness that's replaced what was once insatiable rage, I will take it. To me, there's no longer a point in dying a martyr, if there ever was one at all.

I've begun to think about things from a different perspective. My entire life I've had the same goal: to leave this stinking cage where we exist as nothing more than livestock. To experience true freedom. I look over at the two green cloaks hanging beside the door and hold back a laugh. The wings of freedom. A noble lie. This is the realization that caused my perspective to shift: the wings of freedom have been shackles all along.

They chained us all to a life of fighting and failing, living and dying to obtain a victory that may never come. Wings that allowed me to fly outside the cage toward freedom only to realize that the jesses around my leg were short and held by someone else. I was only allowed a taste of my prize before I was called back to the gauntlet to surrender my victory, leaving me with nothing to show for my efforts. The cause is honorable, just, sincere, and I don't regret offering my heart to the Survey Corps, but it no longer belongs to them. The true wings of freedom lie at rest atop clean white sheets, white now tinted blue in the light of the moon that hangs in the infinite sky outside our window.

The wings of freedom may eventually triumph over the titans, but for both of us, they'll only bring death. Death ended the flights of all others before us, death will strike all from the sky after us, and I'm willing to gamble all I have left if there's any possibility at all that Eren and I can be spared from the same bloody end long enough to fulfill our dream, even if it's only for a short time. From the moment I met him and looked into those burning green eyes, I knew we were two overlapping halves of a whole. His determination, his rage, his monstrous power and my experience, my conviction, and my skill join each other over a shared dream of freedom. Flight is impossible with only one wing.

It's unrealistic to think that either of us have much time left. If I'm going to die, and I am, I want to die happily in the soft grass, breathing clean air, gazing upon an endless horizon unobstructed by walls. Our hands that have spilled immeasurable blood, clean now but stained, perfectly intertwined like those overlapping wings we once wore upon our backs. White over blue atop verdant green, like clouds in the sky above a grassy meadow. How picturesque.

I choke out a bitter laugh at this thought and rise, looking out the window one last time before climbing back into bed. The boy beside me stirs but does not wake. His sleeping face does not look peaceful. It tugs at my heart as I pull his body close to mine, an arm wound around his shoulder, hand gently stroking his wild brown hair, his head placed over my heart. I try not to think about the days ahead, instead I create a vision of laying with him like this beside a crystal clear stream under a canopy of softly swaying leaves as his steady, even breathing lulls me to sleep.

The brightness bleeding in from our uncovered window wakes me from a light sleep. This room is bare and temporary with very few basic provisions, like curtains or even intact glass on the windows, so the room heats quickly and starts to become uncomfortable. The cities within the walls have been in a state of constant turmoil ever since the government was overthrown. As a result of the fighting and evacuation to safer areas, many homes have been abandoned and damaged. We are constantly on the move and take advantage of this situation. The Survey Corps has come under intense scrutiny, even more so than usual.

Some view us as heroes and others see us as traitors, murderers, unnecessary and a waste of taxpayer money. The Survey Corps was never a _respected_ branch of the military, but the general populace had never been openly hostile toward us until now. People who have had the luxury of never being forced to watch as one of their screaming friends, desperately pleading for your help, is ripped in half by a disgusting, twenty-meter-high mockery of a human; their opinions do not matter to me.

Until you've been showered with the hot blood and entrails of the hopeful young soldier who two heartbeats ago believed they were about to kill their first titan and nudge humanity one step closer to victory, you have no standing to insult the only people who are still trying to save you even in the face of this horror. Some have seen this. Some have looked helplessly into the hysterical eyes of their child as they were plucked from the illusion of safety by a hand as large as their home. Those are the people who now see that there is no point in opining.

Eren was confronted with the harshness of reality at a very young age. He'd seen what a human being looks like broken and lifeless even before he'd seen his first titan. He even had the determination and suicidal bravery to kill two men - _as a child!_ \- to save a girl he had never even met. This did not break him. As he watched the titans he'd only heard stories about break through the comforting safety of the walls, he did not break. Even as he saw his mother crushed beneath their equally crushed home, and his irreparably crushed life, he was determined to save her at the risk of his own life. And as he watched her being torn apart and swallowed despite all his hope to save her, he still did not break.

His childhood dream, his present dream as he is still that child now grown, to join the Survey Corps and fight for the freedom of humanity was not crushed. Discovering that he himself was able to transform into one of the very monsters that he hated with every fiber of his being didn't even break him. If anything, his dedication to that dream was made stronger, his determination was made stronger, his rage and his desire and his thirst for freedom were all ignited into an unquenchable blaze. His strength in the face of tragedy is unfathomable and I am so incredibly proud of him.

That brave boy, face still tense in even in sleep, lies still in my arms as I place another kiss on his furrowed brow. The sounds of the chaos outside are drifting in through the broken window and the heat of the blazing sun combined with the heat of our intertwined bodies, now sticky with uncomfortable sweat, have made it impossible for me to go back to sleep. I kiss him once again as I try to wake him as gently as possible. Best not to startle a sleeping titan.

I decided last night before I returned to bed that I needed to confess my sudden change of heart and new objective to him before it was too late. You can never rely on living through the day and hesitation is another luxury that we don't have. You can't know how events will unfold even if you've constructed the most thorough plans and taken every precaution. It's pointless to regret any choice you've made as there's no way to foresee how it will end. Once it's come to pass it can never be undone.

T  
his is it. I brush the hair from his forehead as I take in his sleeping face one more time and I squeeze his upper arm to encourage him to wake.

"Eren. It's morning."

His expression changes at the sound of my voice and the pressure of my hand on his arm. I am always composed and unreadable, appearing unmoved even in the face of certain death, but now my heart pounds and my stomach churns as he opens his eyes. His eyelids flutter in a disoriented daze for a moment. He yawns, becomes aware of his surroundings, and as he awakes fully he turns his emotive green eyes up to me. He is never unreadable. My heart once again aches though it doesn't show on my face, and I swallow thickly as he sits up and stretches. I will not turn back. It's time.

"Eren," I'm interrupted as he greets me wordlessly with a kiss on the lips. I don't push him away. I return his kiss, and continue until we part naturally. I've learned over the span of years that moments like this are precious. You really can't take for granted that they will ever occur again, or that anyone will still be alive a day from now or even an hour from now. It is imperative to live in the moment in this cruel and uncertain life.

He closes his eyes against the brightness of the room and rests his head back on my shoulder even though the heat is becoming uncomfortable for both of us. He's learned the same lesson about peaceful moments.

"Eren," I pause and breathe deeply to settle my nerves. "Do you trust me?"

I already know his answer. He has always trusted me. I have not always trusted him. That is different now.

He blinks. We lock eyes. His eyes show the remaining disorientation of having recently awoken, but now there's a hint of confusion in them. Still, he answers without hesitation.

"There's no one I trust more. Why do you ask?" His voice is still thick with sleep but I can tell he's awake enough to understand what I'm about to ask of him.

"Good. Listen to what I'm about to say before you respond."

He does trust me, I know, but he still tenses. My face needs to remain serious in public and he accepts this. Soldiers don't need to know that I feel fear and grief like everyone else, they need to see a strong and confident leader. After all, they've saddled me with the title of "Humanity's Strongest" and the whispers and gossip accusing me of lacking human emotion reinforce this image. I only allow myself to drop this mask in private, and certain emotions are reserved only for him. I know that he notices that I'm wearing that serious expression and I understand the apprehension at seeing it. We mirror each other in this, his anxiety the perfect inverse of mine, a reverse image, one waiting to give and the other to receive. This is the nature of our relationship, each having what the other lacks in perfect opposition yet both images reflect the same being. I speak. 


	2. Chapter 2

On sleepless nights I often reflect on how we ended up here. I've never slept much to begin with, though sleep has come to me more often since I invited Eren to my bed. I've had a lot of time to think about the path we're about to take if he agrees to it. I will do anything he asks of me and no one has ever had that privilege before him. I have loved before, though not with the same love as I have for Eren. Isabel and Farlan were the closest I've ever come to having a family and I loved them. Dearly. When they died, love died with them. I became detached.

That's not to say that I didn't care for my subordinates and comrades, because I did and still do, despite rumors to the contrary. But loving and growing attached to another person in that way is a guarantee in a world where nothing is certain. A guarantee of heartbreak. I've lost enough, mourned enough, regretted enough, and, having had my fill of these things, resolved to never allow myself to experience that again. Love and pain are unnecessary and distract one from one's duties.

Eren changed that. Eren… changed a lot of things. The first time I met those feral green eyes, I knew. I felt a pull that I knew I should desperately fight. The cost would be too great if I allowed myself to be pulled in. As it is, you can never know how things will turn out. In the end I relented and let that red thread pull and bind us together. He changed my perspective. A life without love was not a guarantee of a life without pain.

No, a life denying oneself those fleeting moments of peace and happiness is a life wasted. Living only for fighting and killing, watching as friends die in vain without having experienced anything besides the hopeless reality of a soldier on the front lines… That existence, unavoidable for the duty-bound such as myself, now would be unimaginable without him. I imagine life without another who shares your grief, someone who understands your burden and knows you. Someone who watches, ready to pull you up before your head sinks below the waves of solitary darkness to drown in bottomless despair. How did I ever think it was better to live without this?

The first time I actually saw him wasn't in that basement prison with Erwin. It was the day he transformed into a titan for the very first time. Thinking back on that, I'm amused by the apparent symbolism. I had not witnessed the chain of events leading up to our first contact. I only arrived in time to watch a small, blond boy, a cadet judging by the patch on his uniform, doing what appeared to be pulling a human body from a gash in the nape of a titan's neck. I didn't know what to think of this, so I pushed it aside to question later and did what needed to be done at the moment.

A field briefing informed me that this boy pulled from the titan's neck somehow became a titan. He was immediately attacked by swarms of hostile titans, cornering him, biting at him to devour his body as if he were human. This boy-titan then proceeded to take down twenty or more of those hostile titans, apparently seeming to be cooperating with and taking orders from soldiers, before finally picking up a massive boulder and using it to seal the breached portion of wall in Trost district, thus preventing any more titans from entering the city. The existence of intelligent titans, once only speculation following the fall of Shiganshina, was now undeniable. Furthermore, this boy-titan's actions provided evidence that he was likely on humanity's side. It was then, digesting that shocking report, that an ember of hope ignited within me.

Still, I reserved judgement.

Then came the day of the military tribunal where the fate of the titan-boy would be decided. This day remains vivid in my memory. Our first interaction wasn't pleasant. As I descended into that basement prison alongside my superior officer Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, I had no way of knowing that one simple conversation with a prisoner of war would upend my life as I knew it. The commander's questioning of him was brief. The boy showed no hostility toward us as he listened.

As he began to deliver his reply, his eyes became wild. He spoke fiercely of killing every last titan and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be able to place my faith in him. The titan-boy's fighting spirit fanned the tiny ember of hope he sparked in me into an undeniable flame. I was so affected by him that before I knew what I was doing I had uttered a rare word of praise. Not bad. Anyone else hearing those words would not recognize them as praise. Only those who knew me, like present company Commander Smith, would understand the significance of my words. Words that I spoke when, after living my whole life in the underground, I saw the sky for the first time. I recruited him into the Survey Corps right then and there, though not warmly, as I then warned him I wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he turned against us.

By the time all parties gathered in the courtroom, I was already deep in an internal battle over my instant attachment to the boy. This was rapidly becoming messy and I am legendary for my stance on messes. Shortly before the trial, Commander Erwin devised a plan to ensure that the boy titan would be delivered into the custody of the Survey Corps. I would follow the Commander's orders even though they repulsed me.

The scene that played out next is a memory that haunts me still. I knew I had to do it to save him, but I beat that boy bloody. Mercilessly. I humiliated him in front of superiors and soldiers alike, some of whom I'd later learn were his childhood friends and fellow graduates of the 104th training division. I called him a dog, I kicked him relentlessly, I ground my boot into his bruised and bloodied face. I felt waves of guilt and nausea as I watched one of his teeth clatter across the courtroom floor.

Typical of Commander Erwin's plans, it was a success that came at a price. They always come at a price, sometimes questionably high, and usually paid in lives, but if Erwin judges it to be worth the price, we trust his judgment. This time a boy's life was purchased at the cost of his dignity, though the significant effect it had on me was a private cost.

To my great surprise and relief, the boy, Eren Yeager, did not resent me for my brutality. He flinched when I seated myself next to him, but he assured me he understood why my actions were necessary. I was then placed in charge of overseeing him at all times. Our relationship progressed quickly from there and I'm sure we both sensed that soon the lines between superior officer and subordinate would not just be crossed, but burned to ash and erased.

On quiet nights in the dungeon, he told me stories about how he had admired me before I knew him. As a child he watched me return from failed expeditions, cheering me on when others were taunting and jeering. He even punched a grown man in the head after he heard him insulting the Corps. I laughed at that. Even without having any success in our missions outside the walls, he still truly saw the Survey Corps as wings of freedom and dreamed of one day joining us. In turn, I admired him more and more each day. Someone so young with such an unbearable burden upon them, the burden of loss, guilt, and responsibility. Just like title I never asked for, Humanity's Strongest, was placed upon me, he also was given a title. Humanity's Last Hope. To have all of humanity's hopes and expectations forced upon you and still be able to stay as determined and confident as ever. It is beyond the grasp of most people's comprehension. I understood.

He became my constant companion and confidant. Understandably, he was not trusted by the rest of his assigned squad, which was the Survey Corps elite special operations team. _My_ team. This bothered him greatly, so he naturally grew closer to me than to any of the others. My squad - Petra, Erd, Gunther, and Auruo, the best of the best of Survey Corps veterans - eventually warmed up to him but remained cautious and ready to strike at the first sign of betrayal. That is exactly what I desired from my men. I would personally make up for the discomfort caused to Eren by it.

As propriety and professionalism demands, our relationship needed to appear in public to be one a mentor and his eager apprentice and I resisted showing obvious favoritism toward him. I allowed myself some leeway, though. For example, special training sessions with the Corporal were deemed necessary. A recent academy graduate suddenly placed into a specialized team of veterans must be able to keep up with their skill level, so one-on-one training with me was frequent. In private, though, when it came time to secure him in his quarters for the night, I always greeted him with a command of 'at ease.' I was no longer Lance Corporal Levi, _sir_! in those private evenings behind closed doors. We were friends and equals.

Since he was such a rare and valuable asset to mankind, Eren was to be constantly subjected to tests and experiments in order gather as much information on his powers and limitations as possible. Not only was this to learn how to most effectively utilize him in combat, but also to learn more about titans themselves, as titans have continued to remain a mystery despite a history of great losses in any attempt to capture and study wild specimens. Many of the experiments were gruesome and it pained me to watch. I remained by his side through them not because it was my duty, but because I wanted to provide him with the comfort of my presence. To remind him that I saw him as a human. It was important to me to be worthy of his trust. It was one of these experiments that resulted in that inevitable crossing of the boundary between superior and soldier.

Eren was lowered into a well and instructed to transform. Conducting the experiment from the bottom of a well was a preventative safety measure. I was there as a last resort should he need to be subdued. Minutes passed after the flare signaling him to initiate his transformation was fired. I cautiously approached the well with Squad Leader Hanji Zoe, a long time survey corps veteran, scientist, and leading titan researcher. Hanji was running through theories beside me as I approached the edge of the well to check on Eren. My stomach lurched at what I saw at the bottom of that well: Eren, frantic, face dripping with blood and tears, gnawing at the flesh of his own thumb, crying out in frustration as he bit through skin and muscle in a futile attempt to transform.

We removed him from the well and declared the experiment a failure. Hanji noted that Eren's wounds were not healing as they would normally; some of Eren's titan abilities carried over into his human form, immediate healing of wounds accompanied by steam was the most notable of these. His wounds were tended to and I tried to provide him with as much comfort as was appropriate in the presence of others, and Eren, having failed to transform and feeling poorly about it, dejectedly joined my squad for tea.

At some point during tea, he dropped his teaspoon to the ground and reached to retrieve it. The heat and sound of his unexpected partial transformation scared us all shitless. In the blink of an eye my squad turned to strike. In the chaos of clearing steam and shouting, mostly of threats hurled at him by my squad, I placed myself between the two parties, exposing my back to Eren as a sign of trust and commanding my men to stand down.

Eren tore himself from the incomplete titan arm attached to his body and collapsed from the stress and exhaustion. The squad was shocked and outraged at my intervention. Hanji was dramatically expressing their disappointment at a missed opportunity to collect data. I was biting back my fury while lifting Eren's body off the ground and into my arms, ignoring the protests of my squad and Hanji's shrill squawking, shouting an order over my shoulder to not disturb me under threat of a slow, painful death. At that point I blocked out all other distractions and retreated to my quarters, cradling Eren's feverish, unconscious body against mine.

I watched over him day and night as his exhausted body repaired itself. A transformation normally only leaves him out of commission for a day, give or take. I wondered if this time it wasn't just the physical strain that depleted him, but the emotional as well. I sat beside him on my bed, holding his hand and softly speaking to him. I didn't know if he could hear me, but after experiencing my entire squad ready to kill him, I was going to do everything I could to make him feel safe. Protecting him was duty, yes, but it was also my personal desire. I was so attached to him at this point that I knew it had become more than platonic companionship. Seeing him on the verge of being slain in front of me was all it took for me to make my choice. For the first time in who knows how long, I was genuinely afraid. I would not lose him.

In the pre-dawn hours of the third day of his unconsciousness, he stirred. Sleep is rare for me and it was no sacrifice to maintain my vigil at his bedside. I grasped his hand and called to him.

"Eren. I'm here."

A fluttering motion of the eyelids. A pause. A groan. I called to him again, louder this time, and he opened his eyes. I didn't realize just how much I missed those expressive green eyes until they found mine in the dim candlelight of my room.

" _Corporal_ …" It came as barely a rasp, his unused voice cracking as he looked away to observe his surroundings. On any other day he would have been shouting, hurriedly raising a startled salute even though we're alone.

I reached for the glass of water on the nightstand and sat up near the head of the bed to sling an arm around his shoulders and gently raise him into a sitting position. He stared at me for a moment, then down to the glass in my hand, and as he understood, I raised the glass to his lips, allowing him to drink as much as he could. I could see him tensing his grip, testing his muscles, and he hesitantly raised his hand to grasp at the glass. I held it in my hand until he was sure his grip would hold. He nodded and I let go so he could drink on his own. Eren is strong and capable and would not appreciate me babying him, and I show my respect for him by acknowledging this. I do take the glass from him after he finishes, returning it to the nightstand.

"Corporal Levi. What happened? Did… Did I lose control? How long-"

While he was drinking on his own, I had not removed my arm from his shoulders. I had leaned to nuzzle my face into his hair, returning to this position after taking the glass from him. I interrupt his speech when I reach across him with my other arm to caress his cheek in the palm of my hand as I gently turn his face to look him in the eyes. Those beautiful, heartrending green eyes. He does not continue to speak, instead drawing a sharp breath as we search each other's faces in the faint, flickering light of the lone candle. I had already made my choice. I don't hesitate. I kiss him.

He kisses back.


	3. Chapter 3

Eren sits up, directing his eyes toward me, and gives his full attention. The unimpeded sunlight washes across his face for a moment as he's sitting up. I drink in the sight of the light glinting in his eyes, mesmerized by the way his pupils immediately contract in response and how the the sunlight illuminates the golden flecks in his irises.

I'm reminded of a rarity I spotted on my last visit to the capitol with the Commander. I remember how I was painfully disinterested in the conversation with the local representatives of the royal government that I was forced by Erwin to attend. My eye was suddenly drawn to the hand of one of the nobles seated at the table with us: Something shiny on his hand glinted in the sunlight. I looked closer and saw that it was a polished band of fine gold adorned with a row of round, sparkling, deep green emeralds.

A weird sensation flutters in my chest when I think of how Eren's eyes look just like gold and emeralds and my mind instantly supplies me with the idea that the gold and emerald ring would look far better on Eren's hand than that unworthy pig's. Shit. No one would believe you if you told them that this romantic goddamn cliche bullshit was happening in the mind of Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest Soldier right now.

Eren startles me back to reality when he shifts his position slightly. I hear him address me with a slow, drawn-out version of my name spoken as a question. I... blanked out thinking - _fantasizing_ \- about his eyes.

"Levi?" Get on with it, Levi. He's waiting. I begin.

"I always longed for freedom. Before the Survey Corps, I lived alone in the underground. It's a dangerous and lawless place and I mistook lawlessness for freedom. I had no family and nothing to tie me down, no one to answer to. I sought more freedom by becoming stronger than anyone who could ever try to control me. I've told you the truth about my past as a gang leader then, and you know I'm a ranked military officer now. I held and still hold authority.

"When I met Isabel and Farlan," I never enjoy re-opening that wound. I pause to draw a deep breath and I continue. "I cared for them and protecting them became my purpose in life. Because of that, I gave up my freedom from commitment and loss and bound myself to them. I still dreamed of being free from the underground, and even free from the containment of the walls. I wanted the same for them. You know how that ended. Everything I'd done became pointless."

Eren knows I didn't join the Survey Corps of my own free will. I took a job, _we_ took a job, Farlan, Isabel and I, that promised life above ground as payment. It was a simple enough task and we were skilled enough to complete it easily. I never expected that it would end the way it did and I still don't know if it was worth the cost. Erwin... He rigged the game. He planned, intentionally _planned_ , to lead the three of us into the jaws of death with no remorse. I was given the illusion of choice, the option to accept or decline. There was only one option and both Erwin and I knew it. I had nothing left and Erwin used my loss against me. I was now untethered from the underground without Isabel and Farlan to return to. My thirst for freedom could never be quenched now that I was trapped in his snare. There's no way they could let the underground's most notorious rogue run free, right? These weaknesses were constructed and used to manipulate me into serving under his command in the Survey Corps. I was a prize for him to win all along.

I worry that I'll be doing the same thing to Eren by asking this of him, playing on his weak points to manipulate him into giving me what I want. I have no intention of forcing him to agree. If he rejects it, I'll accept it and not manipulate him with guilt or fear. If he accepts it, he'll be by my side as an equal, not a soldier under orders. I'm aware of his attachment to me and his desire to please me. I don't want him to agree because he wants to please me. I don't want him to agree because of the fear my words may strike in him. This is why I asked him if he trusted me. This can't work without it. Not only trust in my intentions and judgment, but trust in my respect for him. Trust that I am actually giving him a choice. It's a serious decision to make and it may end in tragedy like mine did. I am not like Erwin. Still, I worry.

Erwin is a fearsome man. Physically intimidating but even more fearsome in his unwavering devotion to his goals. He's a strategic genius and impossible to read so his confidence in his plans is justified. He's never just two steps ahead of the enemy, he devises every strategy as if he already knows every decision that could possibly be made and the outcomes of each. I've learned a lot serving alongside him all these years. I've learned that we are opposites.

Erwin is willing to sacrifice anything to benefit the needs of many as if the ends justify the means. I'm only interested in sacrificing no more than what is absolutely necessary to selfishly protect my own interests. It's why I risk my life for humanity's victory; because I want freedom. As far as selfish interests go, that's a pretty positive one. Now I intend to sacrifice the power my position brings me, the life-saving protection that I provide to my subordinates in combat, and my reputation of being a reformed thug turned "hero" because I'm about to become a traitor. I am selfish because I want freedom and I want Eren at my side to experience it. I hope that Eren understands that he will also be making a heavy sacrifice if he agrees and I'll try my best to fight my selfishness if he doesn't.

Though, I guess I can console myself a little knowing this idea is not _entirely_ selfish. I'm doing it for him, too. I've been watching Eren grow more and more somber and dejected with every death and failed mission and I hate it. He longs to be released from the cage as much as I do. He's still the passionate monster I met back then, but his confidence has been shaken and his enthusiasm has been dulled by endless battles.

On the nights that he feels talkative, he tells me stories about things he saw in a smuggled old world book that his friend Armin owned when they were children. They're stories about the wonders that exist outside the walls, and of all the things said to exist out there, his favorite is one called the ocean. His eyes light up and his voice becomes quick and excited when he talks about it and I want to bring him there. I want to give him the ocean, and if it turns out to be a legend that only exists in a book, I'll make one for him if it meant he'd be as happy as he is when he talks about it. He shows interest in nothing life inside the walls has to offer, so I'm placing my bets that any sacrifice he makes will be worth it if we finally make it. This is for him.

Well. If there's one thing that Erwin taught me, it's how to gamble. I've been thinking about this for a very long time now. The prize is beyond tempting. It's a gamble I'm willing to make and I'm about to show my hand.

Eren continues to listen.

"I'm tired. I've lived longer than most soldiers ever expect to. Humanity has been fighting the titans for a hundred years and we're no closer to victory. My rank in the military doesn't come with any freedom or purpose, it comes with heavy responsibility. I'd long stopped looking for purpose until I met you. I fought and followed orders. I wanted my freedom but didn't get my hopes up by expecting to ever see it, it was just all I had left to fight for. Now I have something I truly care about and a reason to fight. It's you, Eren. When you came along, you brought purpose and hope with you. I live to protect you and dream of victory for you. The difference between my duty to Isabel and Farlan and my duty to you is that I'm not chained down by you. You don't limit my freedom. Our goals are the same and the only one who can understand and lighten burden of being Humanity's Strongest is Humanity's Last Hope and I'm not going to let you shoulder it all alone."

I sigh in frustration and grunt. I'm sitting here explaining everything while Eren's becoming more and more anxious. I can tell because he's fidgeting with his hands. Better just spit it out. He can ask questions later.

"Look. Eren. I want to run away with you." There. Cat's out of the bag.

He doesn't say anything right away. His eyes scan rapidly back and forth over my face and I watch the display of emotions play across his. Relief for a second. Uncertainty, judging by the way he looks at me as if he's waiting for me to laugh and tell him I'm joking. Confusion. I recognize that one for sure because he always looks like he's constipated when he's confused. He looks down for a moment as he furrows his brow deeper. Finally, I watch as realization surfaces with him quickly lifting his gaze back up from his hands, his already large eyes wider than I've ever seen them.

"By run away, you mean...?" Instead of telling me what he thinks I mean, Eren looks to me for an answer. Usually he's the wordy one. Somehow I'm the one running my mouth now.

"I mean deserting the military and hopping the wall. Yes."

When I thought about all the ways he might react to this, my greatest fear was him being heartbroken. He is... passionate, to put it mildly, in his goal to " _kill all of them, kill every last titan,_ " and he's smart enough to know that's not going to happen with just the two of us out in the wild unknown. I've worked a theory into my plan to address this. I decided last night not to reveal the second part of my plan just yet. I don't even know if what I'm considering is possible, so I'll save it for later. It's the shakiest and most risky part of the plan anyway and I'd rather not have Eren worrying about it after I've just sprung this whole thing on him. I'm already asking him if he'll give up his dream and leave behind his friends and civilization for me.

"Hm." A grunt from him in acknowledgment. He's thinking. "We'll be traitors." A statement, not a question. I nod.

"I'll be hunted." Another statement. I nod again.

"Probably," I say. Eren doesn't speak right away after this, so I'm not interrupting him when I explain further.

"Eren, we're pawns. We're tools for the military to use and manipulate. I trust the Survey Corps' loyalty to us and I know their intentions are just, but the military police have never stopped trying to remove you from our custody. The only life for either of us is fighting and dying. We've both done more for humanity than any soldier ever has. I'm tired. I don't think a long life is in the cards for us. I don't want the burden of being humanity's strongest anymore, I don't want you to have the burden of bearing humanity's hope. I want a reward for my hard work and sacrifice while I'm still alive. I want to experience the world outside without anyone to answer to. Eren, I want freedom and I want it with you."

Eren inhales a deep, full breath and squeezes his eyes shut. He's obviously stressed. I am too, except I'm already prepared. I'll do whatever this boy wants me to do, but he doesn't need to know that. I trust him not to take advantage of that even if he figures it out on his own. I also trust him not to snitch on me to Erwin about trying to get him to commit treason.

"You don't have to answer now. I'll accept any answer you give me. Don't make this decision lightly, and don't you _dare_ do it because you think it'll please me. I'll give you some time alone to dec-"

"Yes."

The little shit interrupted me! I think I'm rubbing off on him. Incidentally, that's exactly what I feel like doing right now if I heard him correctly. I'm not old enough to be losing my hearing. Maybe years firing off all those flares next to my ear is catching up with me.

"What? I don't think I heard you right." I realize I'm giving him my famous death glare. Whoops. So much for not intimidating him into answering me. It's the answer I wanted, it just came too quick and I need to make sure he means it. Accidental death glare might be for the best, then. He answers me just as quickly as before, now with irritation in his voice.

"I said yes."

Fucking impulsive, this one. But now is not the time to be impulsively fucking this one. I lift my hand to rest on the nape of his neck and use it to pull him down to my face for a kiss. It's not a lust-fueled kiss. This is a contract sealing kiss. Lips meet, interlocking perfectly like they were parts made to fit only with each other. Our kiss stays firm and unyielding. We share relief, excitement, and a new type of anxiety through this kiss. I allow him to decide when to break apart, and when he does I keep my hand on his neck. I look him in the eyes intending to convey affection, but when I meet his, they have that look he only gets when he's talking about killing titans. Ah, this kid. I smile at that and make a sound that's supposed to be a laugh. Now that the dreaded conversation is over and done with, the sweat and discomfort of the hot and irritatingly bright room pull me back into the real world. I need a cold bath and I need it _now_ , and I'm in luck because that's all we have available. Everything's just working out in my favor today, isn't it. I start to stand up.

He pushes me down. 


	4. Chapter 4

The first time we fell into bed together was the night we returned from the 57th expedition beyond the walls. The mission was a failure and the Survey Corps suffered heavy casualties. My entire squad perished at the hands of a traitor, a human who had the ability to become a titan like Eren can. The many deaths we witnessed that day took a huge toll on us. Everyone who left through the gate that morning returned back through it with fewer friends, assuming that those who crossed the threshold even made it back at all. This time Erwin's gamble was a losing one and the bets were once again paid with lives.

Even beyond the loss of life, the failure of this mission put the Survey Corps' custody of Eren in jeopardy again. It was hard on me, it was hard on the soldiers, above all it was hard on Eren, who blamed himself for the decimation of the special operations squad. I would need to discuss that with him later. For now, all I wanted to do was get back to headquarters to process the day's events over tea, away from prying eyes. I was granted this boon since Eren was injured during the mission and was currently under Hanji's observation and hadn't yet been cleared to leave. I hate the thought of him being hurt but I knew he would be okay. I needed the time to gather myself before I could focus fully on him.

Everyone who returned with us was either asleep or in town drowning their sorrows, so I had the mess hall to myself. I knew this peace and quiet was limited since the failure of such an important mission was going to attract attention from the rest of the military and probably the central government, but I hoped I would get the chance to check in with Eren before duty dragged me away to deliver my report. Eventually Eren found me there and we sat together in somber reflection for a while. The heavy silence and the unusual emptiness of the mess hall didn't go unnoticed by either of us.

I knew what he was thinking as he looked at each empty seat at our table because I was thinking the same thing. Petra used to sit there, smiling and telling stories. Auruo would sit next to her, sometimes giving her a hard time, sometimes trying to imitate me in an effort to impress her, usually ending with him making even more of an ass of himself by biting his tongue and spitting blood on my clean table. Gunther would sit at the end and I could never stop staring at his weird-ass hair. Erd had better hair and always sat next to Gunther. Their antics and occasional bickering grew irritating at times, but now I'd prefer the irritation over the permanent silence of death. Especially now, just after Eren had finally gained their trust. The whole squad even surprised him by marking themselves with a physical symbol of solidarity; they each bit down on the base of their thumb like Eren does to transform. That made him very happy.

The adrenaline of the fight had clearly run out for both of us allowing pain to overtake the numbness of shock. I would be fine grieving and coping alone, I always have been, have always needed to be. I didn't know if the same could be said for Eren, and truth be told, even though I could handle myself alone, for once I didn't want to. I know he wants a shoulder to cry on and I am more than willing to be that for him. His two childhood friends and others he made during training in the 104th division were here at headquarters with us. He chooses to come to me. He never explains why and I don't need him to. Giving him my full attention will be good for me as well. The closeness we share provides me with comfort and focusing on Eren's needs prevents me from dwelling excessively on the tragic events of the day.

I rose from my seat at the table and was about request his company in my quarters when the weight I shifted to my ankle sent a jolt of pain up my leg. Shit. Eren hadn't noticed I'd also been injured during the mission, so he definitely didn't know that I acquired my injury rescuing him from the mouth of the titan he failed to kill. I wasn't about to have that conversation with him out in a public common room. I maintained my expression of tired indifference and spoke the first words between us that evening. It was just a simple statement: my quarters. He didn't salute or respond with his usual enthusiastic "yes, sir!" as he does when we're in public. He only nodded and silently headed in the direction of the officer's hall. I made sure to fall a few steps behind him in case I flinched, and we then retired to my room for the night.

I opened the door for him and I closed and locked it behind us. He still hadn't spoken. I'd just grabbed a match from beside the door and was raising my hand to strike it, intending to light the lamp at my desk when his walls finally crumbled. He turned to face me and pulled me into an embrace. His arms wrapped tightly around me, one across my shoulder, the other around my waist, and he hung his head down low to rest upon my shoulder.

Momentarily stunned, I stiffened for an instant before dropping the unlit match to the floor and returning his embrace. I pulled his body tight and close and I closed my eyes as I lay my head against his chest, lifting a hand to run my fingers through his hair. I heard how his heart rate was elevated and felt him beginning to tremble so I knew what was coming next. He was about to cry and I didn't want him to have to do it standing at the doorway.

My next move would usually annoy him but I didn't think he would mind in this situation. Keeping one arm around his back, I ducked and brought the other behind his knees and lifted him into a bridal carry. As I'd hoped, he didn't say anything, only giving a startled wobble to regain his center of gravity at the unexpected change in position. I flinched as I had actually forgotten about my injured ankle and this time he noticed. He turned his face to me and his eyes grew wide while I carried him to my bed and sat him upright at the edge so I could kneel to remove his boots. He stared.

"Levi! You're injured!"

Eren's voice doesn't come out as weak as I expected for someone on the verge of tears. It's as strong and forceful as usual as he quickly straightens his posture as if he's going to give me his usual hurried salute. His emotions are always readable on his expressive face, but I'm not exactly an expert in emotional literacy. Some are easy. Right now I can't tell if that outburst and accompanying facial expression is annoyed, angry, or concerned. Maybe it's all three. I see that he's adopted his soldier persona just as I had in the mess hall.

"Mm." I reply with a dismissive hum as I remove his other boot, setting it beside the first as I move to begin working on his 3DMG harness.

"Why didn't you tell me? I let you carry me! How did it happen? Levi! What will we do with our strongest soldier out of-" I interrupt his rapid questioning. I suppose I interrupt him a lot. I wonder if he minds. He never seems to. The lower body harness is sufficiently loosened and I pull it down his legs and stand to hang it on the wall. I bend one leg up behind me to pull off my boot and set it beside Eren's. He's waiting for a reply.

"Oi. Calm down. It's a minor injury. What's done is done. I'll be fine." I'm a hypocrite. I get upset when Eren is injured, except I don't usually let him know that. I sit on the edge of the bed next to him to remove my other boot and avoid putting weight on my ankle again. My boots stand beside Eren's pair at the foot of the bed. His are larger than mine. I feel an odd sense of pride when I see them standing there together. I look back over to him and he's looking away, brow furrowed, hands clenched at his knees. Walls, he's cute when he's mad. I sigh.

Exhaustion overcame us before we had the chance to continue bickering about my ankle. I'd turned around to hang my harness next to his and by the time I'd finished undressing, he was already stripped down and curled up in bed. His back was to me, a tangled mess of brown hair sticking up over the sheet that was pulled up to his ear. I wondered how humanity's secret weapon, a rage-fueled titan slayer with a thirst for blood and a knack for smashing skulls could exist in the same body as this adorable fucking… puppy dog sleeping curled into himself in my bed. I was too tired to think more on that, so I sighed once more, stepping over the pile of his clothes on the floor, and joined him in bed.

* * *

Eren must have woken up by himself sometime during the night. His shuddering body and muffled sniffling pulled me from sleep and I was instantly on alert. The tears had finally come for him now that he was no longer too tired to cry. A familiar desire to protect flared in my gut and I spoke to let him know I was awake before pulling him to me.

"Eren." I speak firmly but gently to him, only loud enough for him to hear me over the sobs he was trying in vain to stifle. It startled him anyway because he froze for a second before allowing himself to be pulled onto my chest.

"I'm here." I wrap him securely in my arms, pressing his head into the crook of my neck and my lips to the top of his head. I feel his hot tears drip onto my shoulder and roll across my skin toward my back. It itches.

His voice cracks as he speaks. "I didn't save them. I could have saved them if I'd just transformed like I wanted to. Levi, I killed them! They died because of me!" The tears continue to fall and sobs wrack his body, occasionally choking him. My heart feels like someone's squeezing it. I'm glad he can't see my frown.

"Eren, listen to me. Did you forget what I told you earlier? There's no way to know the outcome and you made the choice you thought was right. They chose too. What's already happened can't be changed. Look at me." I grab his chin and turn his face so I can look into his eyes as I say this. "I don't blame you for what happened. No one does. We'll mourn them and continue on. You lived through today and that's all that matters to me right now. I'm not going anywhere. I've got you. Now, cry. You need to." I give him a soft kiss and press his head back down to the curve of my neck and do my best to comfort him as he releases his pain.

Eren's breathing eventually evens out as the flow of tears stops, and his hand that rested on my shoulder starts to move down to caress my side. As his hand drags back up my body, it inches closer to my chest, slowly rubbing down the side of my pectoral muscle before tentatively stroking over my stomach with only his fingertips. He nuzzles his face even closer into the crook of my neck as his hand travels back up my body, this time with his palm fully over my pectoral. His hand drags slower this time, fingers intentionally teasing over my nipple, causing my breath to hitch and his to quicken.

I know where this is heading. I tense as a flood of conflicting emotions washes over me. Eren and I have been physically intimate but never explicitly sexual. We mutually benefit from acts of physical closeness like kneading each other's sore muscles after hard days of training or riding, sleeping together in the same bed, and strangely enough, grappling, which is fun because we can grapple public and it appears to anyone observing as nothing but standard combat training.

Experiencing mutual arousal isn't rare either. Kissing almost always leaves us in this state, and when waking up together on the nights we've shared a bed it's unavoidable; morning erections are a natural function of the male body. Sometimes we'll find ourselves rutting our hips together and Eren seems to be satisfied leaving it at that. I don't push him to progress further. It's not that I don't desire him sexually. Far from it. I can't count the times I've taken care of myself with his name on my lips, and, if I'm very fortunate and he's left one behind, one of his shirts pressed to my nose. No, it's definitely not from lack of desire.

It's because I value Eren above all others and hold a deep respect for him. I know the horrors that are forced upon him. To the rest of humanity, he's a specimen. He's experimented on constantly and those tests are never painless. He's been cut, bruised, burned, submerged, impaled, exposed to chemicals and untested medicines, forced to transform over and over until he collapses into unconsciousness for a day or more, _he's been dismembered and had his fucking face torn off_. This isn't even counting injuries incurred in the line of duty and his penchant for fistfights. How many times now has he been attacked and kidnapped? One time I told him I'd have to cut his hands and feet off. I beat him in front of a full courtroom and that still makes me want to vomit.

His body has been abused and battered. He says he consents to the experiments, but that still makes him an object for Hanji and others to do with as they please. When he became humanity's hope, his body became the military's property. He's always under someone else's watch (luckily that's my job) and he's not even allowed to use his own power to transform unless he's given permission.

Regardless of what humanity thinks he is, Eren is a man and no man is invincible. His bones can break as much as his heart. Being treated as a monster to be feared and controlled or a living weapon with no emotion, an unlimited source of scientific data via endless vivisection and experimentation? This would destroy any other man and yet Eren endures. Eren is precious to me and I will prove that to him through my actions. I have no desire to use his body as a tool for my own gratification. If he never wants to enter into a sexual relationship with me, I won't fight him on it. If he does want to, it starts only when he says so. Yes, I want him. Intensely. I want his trust and respect more. I need him to know that he has a choice. I have a hand. I can use it. Eren, though, is irreplaceable.

Eren's body is still pressed desperately close to mine. I swallow with nervousness and start to lightly trace my fingers up and down his back. He sighs at this action and I feel his lips begin to nip at my neck, forcing an involuntary sigh from me as my heart races. It's then that I notice his erection pressing into my thigh where he has his leg draped over me. Yes, this is definitely heading where I thought it might be. I try to quell my panic as my mind races. Eren is a virgin and we've never discussed this step in our relationship. He's never brought it up and I've never pushed him to. Neither of us have even attempted any below the belt fondling with each other. Maybe that's all he's seeking. I allow this thought to calm me and let Eren set the pace.

His hand that was smoothing over my torso stills as he cups it over my shoulder, and the gentle nips he was placing on my neck and shoulder turn to open-mouthed kisses, stopping to suck at my skin every now and then. Now I'm feeling the heat of arousal begin to grow in my core, but I continue to let Eren lead. Suddenly he startles me by using his grip on my shoulder to flip me on top of him. Ah, fuck, yes, I'm very, definitely, undeniably aroused now. I didn't know it was possible for a cock to harden that fast.

My eyes widen in shock as they dart up to meet his. His gaze is intense and I have only a second to take it in before he clamps his hand over the back of my head and pulls me down to press my lips against his. This kiss is very different from the affectionate ones we usually share. This one feels like desperation.

It's my turn to nip at him, taking his bottom lip in between mine and lightly tugging. I'm rewarded with a deep moan from the back of his throat and he kisses me more fervently than before. His head is tilted and he uses this angle to part his lips between mine, enticing us to open our mouths to each other. He doesn't hesitate to sweep his tongue into my mouth, immediately seeking to brush against mine. I relax against him as we continue to kiss and I relish the warmth and familiarity of having him close to me like this.

When he finally breaks the kiss, the breaths escaping from his parted lips are quicker and heavier than before. Eren locks me in an intense stare, and even though the room is dark, the moonlight from the window is enough to reveal the blackness of his heavily dilated pupils. They aren't the result of darkness of the room. His eyes never leave mine as he snakes an arm in between our bodies. I raise myself on my forearms to give him more room. I wasn't expecting him to shove his hand down between my legs and press his palm over my cock. His eyes are determined, his hand beginning to rub and knead me in firm, undulating movements. I don't stop him when he draws his palm back up and over my cock to loosen the ties of my breeches. He doesn't remove his hand once they're untied but he slips his middle finger under the ties of his own undergarment to loosen them as well, only moving his hand away when his task is completed.

Eren's hands find a new position over the width of my lower back, tightening his grip and jerking me down to grind our hips together. I nearly fall forward onto him completely when I feel his astonishingly hard erection rub against my own. When I moan in response, he takes this as his cue to advance and slide his hands down lower on my back so they now rest at the top of my ass. Our eyes haven't parted this entire time and his expression is still determined when he slowly slides his hands down over the curve, fingers underneath and against my skin, thumbs hooked over to pull my undergarment down as he feels me.

His hands are so hot on my skin and they're just large enough to perfectly cup my ass in them. I moan again at this and take my first action of the night when I reach down to strip him of the last barrier between us. I need to sit up slightly to remove our breeches completely, and I freeze as I'm struck by the sight of Eren's naked and aroused body, completely vulnerable in my presence. My mouth goes dry. I can't find any words that could ever fully describe how beautiful he is.

When I finally, regretfully, tear my eyes away from the incredible display laid out before me, I see that Eren is looking at me the exact same way, lifted slightly on his elbows to allow him a better view. He even swallows the same as I had and something about seeing his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallows forces me to grit my teeth.

I decide to test the waters a little. I'm still surrendering full control over the situation to him, but I want him to know that the desire is mutual. I wrap my palm around his cock and start to give slow, drawn out strokes, experimenting to see what he likes by occasionally twisting my hand, varying pressure, or pulling his foreskin up over the head and watching his reactions.

He simply tosses his head back and falls back onto the bed while releasing such a long, gorgeous moan that I'm afraid I'll come right then and there. In fact, I squeeze my hand around the base of my shaft just to make sure that doesn't happen. I know I should probably keep our first sexual encounter from moving too quickly, but my need to taste him is far too strong to resist.

I release his cock so I can hold my body up on my hands and lower myself back over him. I start by giving a kiss to the underside of his chin, then his throat, his collarbone, his sternum, his navel. The dark trail of hair leading down to his groin looks like a feast to a starving man. I nuzzle my nose in his pubic hair, inhaling his scent as deep as I can. His scent affects me like a drug and the dizzying wave of euphoria it causes in me starts to make me lightheaded. Right as I'm about to close the short distance separating my mouth from his cock, he grabs me by my hair to pull my face away.

Fuck. Fuck! I went too fast. I knew I shouldn't have tried to do that. I stop immediately and start to sit up to apologize, except I can't because he just locked his legs behind my thighs and is using them to pull me close enough for him to reach down and grab my ass. Then squeeze. With both hands. Hard. Did I just whine?

Once again he's caught me by surprise and when I look at him this time, the discomfort I expect to see on his face isn't what I find there. And, once again, I lose my breath at what I see. He's biting his bottom lip and I should probably be worried that if he bites any harder he's gonna turn into a titan and I'll die naked, crushed into the ceiling by my fifteen meter tall dickless teenage monster boyfriend, but that's the last thing on my mind as he gives me a pleading look and starts to spread his legs beneath me.

This entire time we've been successfully communicating without words, but now I have to break the silence. This is something I have to be absolutely certain about.

"Eren. You need to tell me exactly what you want."

When he looks back up to me with those big, emotion-heavy eyes, my heart thumps because there's just enough moonlight to see the blush that's settled across his cheeks. God damn, could I be any more wrapped around his finger?

"Levi…" His voice is soft and breathy, almost questioning as he says my name. I'm not used to hearing Eren speak without that deep, forceful (and occasionally inappropriately loud), confidence he usually has. That only reinforces the seriousness of this situation for me because it's a reflection of his emotional state.

"I want to have sex." I knew this was coming. But why now, after everything that happened today? How can he even think about sex when… _Oh_. It clicks. I'm at a loss for words and I realize I'm just sort of…. staring at him. And then I notice that his expression is wavering and he's taking my silence as rejection. I cup his face in my palm to reassure him while I close my eyes to gather my thoughts.

Eren's eyes are still unsure and pleading when I meet them again. Rubbing my thumb delicately over his cheekbone, I'm finally ready to answer him. Now the softness of my voice is intentional, nearly a whisper, when I look into his eyes to speak.

"Okay."

Eren closes his eyes and releases a shaky breath. I now cup both hands around his face, pressing my lips to his forehead before moving down to give him a brief, soft kiss on the mouth. I understand exactly why he wants this. He just watched his entire squad die brutally. My squad. I know he blames himself. If I accept him it'll be a sign of forgiveness, though I have nothing to forgive him for because I never once considered it his fault. And, I think, even more poignant for him is realizing that I could have died today, too, especially once he noticed that I was injured during the fight. He wants a confirmation that I'm still alive. He wants the relief of having me near him, living and breathing and firmly by his side.

Truthfully, I want the same thing. He needs this as much as I do. That doesn't mean it's going to happen the way he's expecting it to happen. It's his first time, he's grieving, and there's no fucking way I'm going to make him do any work or hurt him physically. I'm going to take care of him tonight.

He starts to wrap his legs around my hips, but I lean over to the bedside table and open the drawer, blindly feeling around for the small pouch that holds my maneuver gear cleaning kit. Eren pushes back on his hands to sit up and watch me curiously as I pull out the leather pouch and remove the bottle of oil that's used to lubricate the gear. Every soldier is required to have a cleaning kit for their gear and I'm thanking the Walls right now that I have several stashed in various places. I also praise the Walls that I decided to take a shit when we got back to headquarters.

I lean back over to him and place my hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat as I gently ease him back down. I set the oil beside me to unwind legs from around me so I can push them together and straddle his hips. He looks up at me in surprise and I have a feeling he's about to protest, so I speak before he gets the chance to open his mouth.

"Trust me." Eren hesitates at this, but then nods and relaxes against the pillows.

I say nothing more as I retrieve the oil, pouring it into my palm and sitting back on Eren's thighs. I pour a little oil from my palm over the head of his cock before I use the rest to stroke him a few times, coating him thoroughly and making sure he's fully hard. I move back to my position straddling his hips and take a deep breath before reaching behind me to align Eren's cock with my asshole. I look at him one more time before I continue, my eyes seeking permission, and he understands because he gives a small nod and a slight smile.

I lower myself very slowly until just the very tip of his cock begins to breach me and stop, assessing his size. Determining it to be comfortable, I sink down a little lower until the entire head is inside me. I still for a moment to adjust, withdraw for a little more oil, and then take him inside me once more. This time I sink all the way down, Eren fully penetrating me, his eyes on me the entire time. I'm about to lose myself in the realization we're finally joined together, Eren is inside my body, and _this is really happening_ when Eren pulls me out of my reverie with the best sound I've ever heard in my whole life.

" _Haaaaahh_ …!" It's a long, keening moan, nearly all breath, gradually increasing in pitch and volume as his eyes squeeze tightly shut and his back arches up below me.

I start to ride him, setting a slow pace. I want this time to be a comfort and reassurance for him. The fast, hard, urgent fucking can wait. The moans, breaths, and closed-mouth whines coming from Eren below me are threatening to change my mind about that. I'm groaning and vocalizing too, overcome by the sensation of being stretched and filled by Eren's cock, how warm it is, how the friction of him sliding in and out of me is making me shiver.

Eren reaches up to grab me behind the neck, and I assume he's pulling me down for a kiss until he wraps his other arm around my waist to press me flush against him. His cock slips out of me as I'm forced to lean forward, but I know he's asking for more contact, to have my body safe and steadfast against his, so I adjust my position for him. I reach up to grab a pillow, tapping Eren's hip to encourage him to lift it so I can place it under him. I crouch back down over him, reaching behind myself again to take him inside me. This position is a little awkward, but Eren presses his heels down into the bed to lift his hips a little more until we find an angle that works. The penetration isn't as deep like this but it's much easier to rock back on my knees keeping my weight off my ankle than is was to use strength of my thighs to ride him like before.

As we establish a steady rhythm together, I start feeling overwhelmed again. The rumor that I'm unemotional and unfeeling is just that: a rumor. I have emotions just like any human being, I just don't allow them to be seen by anyone except those I trust implicitly. There are a few I trust, but this level of vulnerability is reserved exclusively for Eren. Having him under me, around me, inside me, sweat from our bodies mixing between us, saliva combining on our tongues, rocking in unison in a balance of give and take. I can't help but be overwhelmed. We fit perfectly together. I wonder if Eren feels this same sense of completeness.

This has been a night that's required very few words, both of us content speaking through the pleasured sounds we make for each other. The only times we've spoken where when we needed to make things explicitly clear with each other. I need to make one more thing explicitly clear to him tonight. My mouth leaves his to trail kisses along his jaw. I nip at his earlobe before I start whispering in his ear.

"I'm here. I'm here, Eren." I'm interrupted by my own moan. I notice that Eren's breaths have become deeper. "Eren," also more of a moan than a word, and his body tightens at this. "I love you."

I lay my head in the crook of his neck as we continue to rock together, skin sliding against slick skin as sweat pools between us. Eren takes several fast, uneven breaths and starts to tremble below me before he chokes on a sob and cries. He holds me even tighter and his rhythm falters, so I kiss his temple and stroke his hair while taking control of our movement.

We've never actually said those words to each other. We've had a mutual understanding of the feelings between us so words were never deemed necessary, but I think he needed to hear me say it after what happened today. I needed to say it, too, because it could have been Eren lifeless and bloody in those woods today and he would have never heard me confirm it out loud. His tears are tears of emotional release, and I sense that his physical release isn't far behind because his abdomen is tensing against me and he's starting to cry my name.

"I love you. I love you, Levi, _I love you_." Eren is chanting this in such a high, broken, emotional voice that's so different to my ears that I can barely take it. I don't know what exactly it is I'm feeling but there's a lot of it.

Eren starts to arch his back, his calves and thighs tense and shaking. When he draws in a deep breath and holds it, I momentarily consider making him pull out but kill that thought as quickly as it appeared. I feel Eren's cock grow even harder inside of me, so I tighten myself around him until the tension in his body snaps. His held breath is released as a shout while his cock throbs as he releases inside me.

Satisfied that he reached orgasm first, and even more aroused at the sensation of him coming inside me, I reach down to stroke myself to completion. Except… Eren swats my hand away from my dick, shaking his head as if to tell me no. Now I'm confused. I briefly wonder if he's going to deny me release, but maybe he just wants to do it himself. That's probably more likely. That's why I'm blindsided by what happens next.

He lowers his legs and taps my thigh to get me to move off. As I start to remove myself from his lap, still hard to the point of urgency, he pulls out of me and rearranges himself to spread his legs wide before me. For what feels like the hundredth time this night, he surprises me. And, for the hundredth time this night, I'm frozen. Frozen, staring at Eren presenting his body to me, and suddenly realizing that his semen is dripping out of my ass. That's... new. For the first time in my life I don't know what to do with myself. Eren grows impatient and decides to wrap his legs around my waist to pull me towards him. That snaps me out of it.

Eren reaches out to grab my hand and gives me a pointed glare.

"In me." The strong voice I love so much is back and it sends a shiver up my spine. I shake my head at him.

"That's not necessary." I want him. Wow, he looks pissed at me now. This boy is full of surprises. Unfortunately, this only serves to turn me on further and I think I may pass out if I don't come soon.

"Levi. I'm giving myself to you. I want you to have me. You don't think I can handle it? I'm not going to break." He saw right through me and now he's offering himself to me and challenging me at the same time. FUCK.

He takes my hand and guides it down low between his open legs. When he presses my hand against him, two of my fingers end up aligned with the cleft of his ass. The pressure of his hand over mine causes those fingers to dip into the cleft and brush over his asshole. "FUCK!"

Judging by the shit-eating grin he just flashed me, I must have said that out loud this time. Some amusement remains as his expression becomes soft and sincere again.

"Levi, please. I'm asking you to show me how it feels to have you inside me. I want this. I want the same. Please trust me." This feels familiar. I try to speak but once again I'm reduced to weak whispering.

"Okay."


	5. Chapter 5

Levi sits in the mess hall with a cup of tea and a stack of reports in front of him, trying to resist the urge to just toss them all into the fire and tell Erwin to go fuck himself. He didn't join the survey corps to do shitty paperwork. Some of the cadets, no longer cadets, he realizes, but veterans, are milling about in their downtime. He hears Kirstein and Springer start to argue loudly over who did or didn't cheat in the card game that is now scattered over the table and floor. He thinks he's starting to feel a headache coming on and gives up trying to concentrate on the reports with all the noise. He finishes the last of his tea, pushes his chair back, and stands. He's about to leave when Armin Arlert comes running up to him.

"Sir!" Arlert salutes. After all they've been through together, Levi barely sees the need for such formality anymore. Besides, the Survey Corps is only hanging on to its military status by a thread these days, so they probably won't have to continue saluting him for very long.

"The commander wants to see you in his office right away!"

"At ease, Armin. Thank you." This sounds urgent. Usually Erwin just comes to find him himself. Levi heads for Erwin's office, papers in hand, wondering what could be so urgent that he'd actually send someone running to find him.

Levi knocks on Erwin's door. Another formality that he's not sure why he bothers with. He's Erwin's right-hand man, second in command in the Survey Corps, whatever he might be discussing in there probably concerns Levi as well. Levi then remembers that a breathless Armin Arlert was the one sent running to find him. Levi doesn't want to continue that thought. He's glad he knocked. He decides to maintain the formality of knocking on the Commander's door before entering.

"Enter."

"What is it, Erwin?"

"We have a lead on the whereabouts of the two soldiers responsible for breaching the wall and kidnapping Eren. Ymir was captured re-entering the city and we were able to obtain this information during her questioning."

Levi knows he's referring to Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, who escaped aided by Ymir following Eren's capture and recovery. Nobody has been able to truly determine Ymir's allegiances or loyalties apart from her continued devotion to guarding Queen Historia Reiss. That's why he tries not to set his hopes on Ymir's information being reliable, even though this discovery is incredibly fortuitous, unbelievably so. He surmises that Ymir likely returned on her own after being separated from Historia in her escape during the failed kidnapping. Since Historia is here, Ymir probably has no reason to feign loyalty to Braun and Hoover now that they have nothing she wants from them. Levi doesn't believe in any gods, but he can't help feeling like this is a sign. No, it's a coincidence, that's all it is. A convenient one.

He still hasn't told Eren about this part of his plan. He's been waiting for more information to confirm his theory before revealing it to him. It probably won't work so he doesn't need to tell him unless he knows for certain it will. Or, at least that's what Levi tells himself. Truth is, humanity's strongest is a coward. He feels guilty for betraying Eren's trust in him, but the fear of Eren's reaction is stronger than the guilt. He realizes he hasn't been paying attention to Erwin all this time. He should respond. He can't let Erwin read into his momentary distraction. Levi clears his throat, turning his attention back to the large, imposing man in front of him.

"What do you need me to do?"

"We have detained Ymir for further interrogation. As soon as we have enough information to take action, we will be pursuing our targets. Prepare your squad to leave immediately. Expect an ambush and plan accordingly. Dismissed."

"Understood." Levi turns to leave and his hand stills on the doorknob when Erwin addresses him one more time, Levi's back still turned to him.

"I trust you to ensure this mission's success."

"Of course." Erwin has always been near impossible for Levi to read and that final comment does not sit well with him. Anxiety creeps into his thoughts and he forces himself to focus. He needs to find Eren.

Levi locates Eren sitting at a table in the mess hall, tinkering with his maneuver gear, adjusting screws, checking it over for any damage or malfunctioning parts. Armin Arlert is sitting next to him, engrossed in a ridiculously large book. Levi doesn't understand how Armin doesn't become bored reading all of those huge, uninteresting looking books, but he's glad that he does. Levi has grown to have a great respect for Armin's ability to analyze situations and formulate effective plans in the heat of battle. He's starting to take after Erwin, Levi muses, achieving a level of strategic genius rarely seen in anyone other than the commander. Eren looks up from his work when he hears footsteps approaching.

"Eren. Spar with me." Levi doesn't wait for a response, just continues walking toward the door to the courtyard and Eren knows well enough to follow. Levi hears the sound of Eren's tools being dropped to the table, followed by the sound of Eren's chair scraping loudly across the floor from being pushed back abruptly. Levi's hurried pace brings him out into the courtyard before Eren can catch up, but Eren is by his side moments later.

Eren graduated first in his division on hand-to-hand combat skill, though only fifth in his class overall. Levi enjoys having someone who can keep up with him in a fight, so he frequently spars with Eren to sharpen his already impressive skills. He takes pride in watching Eren improve every time they train together. Even though Eren is naturally adept at physical combat Levi still outmatches him; he's not called humanity's strongest for nothing. Sometimes, though, Levi and Eren spar not to train, but to relieve stress. This is one of those times.

"Corporal, what's up?" Eren doesn't salute, but he does address Levi by title as they square off in the public courtyard.

"Drop the 'corporal.' There's no one here." Levi removes his jacket, tossing it aside, and rolls up his sleeves before he begins to bend and twist to stretch his muscles.

Levi seems preoccupied, Eren thinks to himself as they move from stretching to throwing a few quick jabs and dodges. Eren can read Levi very well by now and seeing him throw his jacket to the ground puts him on high alert. Having sufficiently warmed up, they start to spar in earnest, neither landing a hit on the other. They continue for a long while in silence until Levi lands a swift kick to Eren's side, earning a cough and choked sound from him as he tries to regain his breath after the hit.

As they resume their fighting stance and continue their bout, Levi breaks the silence but doesn't look at Eren.

"Erwin is sending us on a mission."

Eren doesn't say anything, waiting for Levi to continue.

"He has a lead on Hoover and Braun. We're to be prepared to depart on a moment's notice. I think he might have located them." Levi never stops directing blows toward Eren. He sees the shock appear on Eren's face before instantly twisting into that expression of bloodthirsty rage he's seen so many times since the fateful day in the basement dungeon. He's glad that Eren still makes that face, even if it is rare nowadays. He notes that despite the strong emotions, Eren has never once taken his attention off the fight, flawlessly dodging everything Levi throws at him until Eren unexpectedly grabs him by the cravat and pulls him forward with jarring force. Levi lets his fists drop and relaxes his stance. He's so utterly in love with this kid. No one has ever made him feel this much pride and possessiveness. Eren's strength and will is an incredible turn on for him, but now is not the time to be thinking about that.

Eren leans in, careful to keep his voice down even though there's no one else in the courtyard with them. "Can't wait."

Eren's husky whisper is released as a hot breath against Levi's ear. Their proximity now allows him to feel the heat radiating off of Eren's body, allows him to be wrapped in Eren's scent which is amplified in the heat and augmented with the suggestive smell of his sweat. The only sweat in the world with a scent that has Levi's body subconsciously conditioned to respond to. He needs to cut this temptation short before it becomes too much to resist, so he places his hands on Eren's shoulders, pushing him back enough to look into his eyes.

"Go pack. Erwin said to expect an ambush, so do what you need to do to prepare. Remember what we planned and secure as many extra rations as you can. I have to go take care of something before we leave. Don't wait up for me. Inform the squad. Now go." Levi holds eye contact for several more seconds before he gives Eren's shoulders a subtle but reassuring squeeze. Eren is left standing alone in the courtyard as Levi heads off in the direction of the city. Eren watches him until he disappears from view, never once turning to look behind him.

Levi's sudden departure leaves him feeling empty and strangely uneasy. Nevertheless, he obeys Levi and returns inside to begin packing.

Eren makes his way back to the mess hall to retrieve his gear. Armin is still reading his book next to Eren's abandoned gear. Jean and Connie have returned to their usual seats, having cooled down from their earlier argument, but are currently glaring at each other over the dice game that has replaced the cards. Eren sits down next to Armin and Armin marks his place in his book.

"Corporal Levi seemed angry."

"Erwin's sending us on a mission." Eren's voice comes out in a hollow monotone. Armin knows this must be something serious to have Eren acting so distracted and emotionless.

"That must have been what the commander wanted. He said it was urgent." Armin is looking down at his hands in lap, eyes unfocused.

"We're going after Reiner and Bertholdt."

Armin only nods, expression now serious. It's a touchy subject for all the graduates of the 104th. Reiner and Bertholdt were such great friends to everyone, mentoring and encouraging anyone who needed it, even telling terrible jokes to raise morale. Naturally, everyone was shocked and devastated when Reiner and Bertholdt confessed to being the two titan shifters responsible for ending humanity's 100 years of peace and destroying countless lives. Reiner, the armored titan, and Bertholdt, the colossal titan, further exacerbated things by kidnapping Eren, never even revealing their motive for doing so. The pair did provide Eren with some vague but significant information, but he hasn't been the same since.

"I'm supposed to tell everyone to be on standby for an immediate deployment." Armin nods again and Eren stands up to deliver the message to Connie and Jean across the way.

"I have orders from Corporal Levi to inform you that we've been assigned to a mission. We're to pack and prepare to leave immediately. If you see anyone else on the way, please make sure they know."

Connie gets up in a hurry, knocking the dice off the table and nearly slipping on them as he mumbles something about finding Sasha. Jean rises as well, but instead of heading in the direction of the dorms with Connie, he stalks over to where Eren and Armin are seated, standing directly across from Eren and slamming his hands down on the table. Armin shoots Eren an undecipherable look, closing his book and jogging to catch up with Connie.

"Yeager."

"What do you want, horse face? Didn't you hear the order to go pack?"

Eren and Jean have butted heads ever since their first day of training. Most of their conversations devolved into arguments, which then frequently resulted in fistfights that Mikasa would usually show up to mediate. They've grown to tolerate each other, and possibly even respect each other, but they'll still deny that if you ask them.

"I overheard what you were saying to Armin. We're finally going after those traitors, aren't we." To Eren's surprise, Jean lets out a long breath, brushing his hand back through his two-toned hair, and calmly sits in the seat across the table. "After what happened last time…" Jean trails off, looking off to the side of the room with his lips pursed. He seems lost in thought for a moment, but after a few seconds he turns his face back to Eren, massaging his brow with his thumb and forefinger.

"I know what's going on between you and the corporal."

Eren's irritated expression quickly turns to one of rage. He presses his palms on the table, leaning forward to come face-to-face with Jean, probably about to start another fight with him, but Jean stops him.

"Hey, whoa. Chill. I'm being serious right now. Just… just sit down and listen to me. I'm on your side here, Yeager, hear me out. Ugh. This was a bad idea." Jean seems pained to say this. Eren sits back down, curious, but crosses his arms impatiently.

"You and the corporal… Marco and I were the same way. Together. Look, I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you're worried about. I'm just tryin' to say… tch," Jean makes a noise of frustration and runs his hand back through his hair again. "When Marco and I got separated during that battle when they appeared in Trost, Marco… died. I wasn't there with him. I don't even know how it happened. I didn't even know he was dead until I found his body rotting in the street. I never even got to say goodbye. If I had stayed by his side, maybe…" Jean now looks pained and covers his face with his hand, looking down to the table.

"Jean," Eren's entire demeanor has softened, all traces of anger completely vanished.

"They kidnapped you last time and Levi wasn't there. Look, I don't even know why I care. I just… I see how you and the corporal are together. And, god, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I… owe you. I probably wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for all your bullshit speeches and the corporal's hellish training. And Marco, he always wanted us to get along instead of fighting about everything. Marco liked you. Ah, what am I saying."

"Jean… Thank you."

"Whatever, Yeager. Make sure not to get your ass killed. I'm going to pack."

Levi pulls the hood of his rain gear up over his head as he descends into the tunnel leading to the underground. He makes sure his gear is well-hidden and his face is shrouded in darkness before he exits into the horrible, familiar stench of the city. He bitterly thinks that he shouldn't even need to hide his identity because after he disappeared from the underground, no one ever heard from him again. Not like anyone from down there ever makes it up to the surface to hear that now he's humanity's strongest, the survey corps' golden boy. Besides, the only people from the underground who knew what happened to him were Isabel and Farlan, and they're dead. But, Levi knows better to assume anything. Now is the wrong time to be taking unnecessary risks.

All of this is happening a lot faster than Levi expected. He never thought he'd be leaving on this mission so soon, but here they are. He doesn't know when they'd get another perfect opportunity like this so it has to be now. Still, he'd hoped to have a little more time to do all the things he wanted to do with Eren before they left civilization for good. Well, if he's only going to get one chance to do this, he might as well go big.

A pouch containing an obscene amount of money hangs heavily on his belt. He makes his way over to a street he once visited frequently, hoping the man he's looking for is even still alive. He's surprised to see him standing in front of the very same shop Levi remembers, leaning against the wall and smoking. Rich bastard, Levi thinks. It's always the ones with money who survive down here. The man is a black market trader. A smuggler, though he doesn't do any smuggling himself. Levi knows that the shop he's standing in front of conceals another tunnel leading above ground. No one enters or leaves it. All business is conducted at the mouth of the tunnel, which acts as its own type of storefront. Thieves from up top trade and barter with thieves from down below, smuggling across all sorts of things from booze and weapons to even fellow humans.

Levi approaches, head still tilted down enough to obscure his face.

"I need a few things, and I need them today."

The man tosses his cigarette to the ground, the butt sure to be fought over by street kids as soon as he walks away. He smiles a smile that makes Levi feel the sudden urge to bathe.

"Right this way."

Eren wakes at the sound of Levi opening and closing the door to their room. He hears Levi moving around the room, rustling around, opening drawers, removing his gear and getting undressed. He rolls over to face Levi as he gets into bed.

"Mm, you're back. It took you a while. Where did you go?"

"I had to see a few people. I'll need to go out tomorrow evening as well."

"Jean talked to me today."

"Oh?"

Eren tells Levi all about his conversation with Jean. He knows that Eren and Jean have never gotten along, so hearing that they've more or less made nice with each other makes him think. He thinks about what Eren tells him about Jean and Marco, and how it ended, and what Jean meant by what he said to Eren. He feels unusually moved by what he hears and decides there's one last thing he has to do before they leave for good.

"Have you finished packing? Everything?"

"Mmm hmm. Like we talked about before."

"Good," Levi mumbles into Eren's hair and kisses his head, "Get some sleep."

As he settles into their usual position with his arm across Levi's waist, chin resting on the top of his head, Eren notices something.

Levi smells weird.


	6. Chapter 6

As I expected, we wouldn't make it through the night uninterrupted. The knock came shortly after I had finished taking Eren for the first time. We were still lying in bed, sweat cooling on our skin, wordlessly taking comfort in each other's warmth and our newly strengthened bond.

"Corporal Levi, sir!" I recognize the voice as belonging to Armin Arlert, one of Eren's closest friends. Eren recognizes it as well, and he sits up in alarm to listen closely. I motion for him to remain quiet.

"Speak."

"The commander requires your presence in the mess hall. We've received urgent news from the capitol regarding the custody of Eren." Eren tenses at this, looking over to me in concern. I kiss his shoulder, pulling him tighter to me before leaning my head against it to reassure him.

"Will that be all?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Dismissed."

I sigh frustratedly and kiss Eren's temple. Neither of us want to be torn away from our moment of peace, but it is our duty to obey orders.

"We have to get up. Dress quickly." Eren doesn't argue though he doesn't seem at all pleased. I pull on an informal shirt and pants, no desire to put my filthy uniform back on, and also not required to since I'm on temporary leave due to my injury. None of the cadets have seen me out of uniform before, but one of the perks of being an officer is that no one will be brave enough to comment on it. By the time I'm finished I see that Eren is in full uniform. I remember that he's a new recruit, fresh out of training. Dressing quickly is one of the skills they're taught and he hasn't been enlisted long enough to start slacking off on it.

We make our way down to the mess hall, both of us walking with a strange gait. Mine because I'm purposefully avoiding putting unnecessary weight on my ankle. Eren's looks more uncomfortable than pained, and I deduce that his is the result of our recent activities. We hadn't yet made it out of bed to bathe. I'm strangely pleased by this. Regardless, we say nothing as we arrive and seat ourselves separately at the table where Erwin and the graduates of the 104th training division that participated in the mission have already gathered.

"Now that we are all here," Erwin begins, pausing to glance at Eren and I. Both of us are still damp with sweat, reeking of sex, Eren's hair even more of a mess than usual, which is really saying something. "There's an urgent matter to address."

All eyes are on Erwin as he continues. "As anticipated, news of our failure to capture the female titan has reached the military police. They've demanded custody of Eren Yeager, effective immediately. Corporal Levi and I have been summoned to the capitol to release Eren to the military police. It is important that we do not allow this to take place. However, another urgent situation has presented itself, further complicating matters. In light of information presented to me, the result of sharp observation by private Arlert, I am confident that we've identified the female titan as a member of the military police."

Erwin's demeanor noticeably changes from one of strict professionalism to one of barely contained anger as he reveals the identity of the traitor.

"Graduate of the 104th training division Annie Leonhart."

Eren explodes in a fit of rage, slamming his fist on the table as he leaps up, shouting his disbelief and opposition as the others try to reason with him. It's painful to watch Eren in this state, realizing that one of his friends and classmates is the one who murdered his squad in front of him and then tried to kidnap him, nearly killing him in the process. This, too, on top of just being told that he's now been ordered into immediate military police custody, believing that he caused the mission to fail and his squadmates to die. All I can do right now is try to convince him that despite the lack of solid evidence, we must take this chance and trust in whatever Erwin is planning.

I'm relieved when it's Armin that attempts to soothe Eren. As much as I ache to be the one doing it, this is the better option in this situation. As Armin presents the observations that led to his conclusion that Annie is indeed the traitor responsible for today's tragedy, Eren begins to tire and give in, no longer arguing. Deeming Eren to be either compliant or convinced, Armin then explains the details of the plan to capture Annie and maintain survey corps custody over him for as long as possible. I keep a close eye on him as I memorize the details of tomorrow's operation.

Eren and I will be separated, with me accompanying Erwin to the capitol to stall the military police using Jean Kirstein, disguised as Eren, as a decoy. Eren objects loudly to this, forcing me to hide a smirk behind my teacup. Eren will be part of the group responsible for luring Annie into a trap set by Hanji's squad. If all goes as planned, Annie will be captured and interrogated and Eren's usefulness will be proved, allowing him to remain under my watch. I only hope that Eren's hatred of titans and desire for revenge will overpower his disbelief of the accusations against Annie. If he hesitates, he will be captured or killed. Titans aren't our only enemy anymore.

"You're all dismissed. Go over your plans and get some rest. Levi, stay behind."

I was already standing to leave when Erwin ordered me to remain. It's not unusual for Erwin to discuss additional details with me in private. I watch as the room clears, making sure to make eye contact with Eren as he walks past. He looks exhausted and his lips are drawn into a tight frown. When the room is finally empty, Erwin addresses me.

"Levi." He pauses, his expression unfamiliar to me. His face is serious, but the softness of his eyes mirrors the softness of his voice as he says only one more thing to me.

"I won't allow him to be taken. Dismissed."

I say nothing in response. Erwin is truly, truly the most fearsome man I've ever met. I'm grateful to have him on my side, I think as I return to my quarters to rejoin Eren in bed.

* * *

The operation was only a partial success. Lives were lost, nearly all of Stohess was destroyed, Erwin actually offered himself to be executed for treason against the royal government, and Eren ended up needing to be cut out of his titan. Arlert's hunch about Annie being the female titan turned out to be correct and we were able to capture her… In a sense. She has this annoying habit of avoiding imminent death and this time she turned herself in to a gigantic fucking paperweight. Completely useless. At the very least she won't be able to escape and kill any more of my men.

I haven't been told if any decision has been made regarding Eren's fate. I already know I'm not going to let anyone get their hands on him, but doing that without breaking the law is preferable. Less work. Eren's currently in bed next to me, still unconscious after I had to physically remove him from his titan body after he lost control and tried to eat Annie. Now that she's made herself useless to us, I'm starting to think I should have just let Eren eat her.

I stroke Eren's hair as he lies unconscious, taking some comfort in the fact that I can hear his steady breaths and his strong pulse, but I really wish he was awake right now. I want to see his big green eyes. I want to hear his voice. I'm on edge because of how vulnerable he is right now. He's a target. Ever since the word spread that a human turned into a titan, people have been after him. Obviously there's the military police, who wanted him from day one, and last I heard, are still after him. Annie tried to take him before and who knows how many others like her there are in the city. There's also countless people who protest his continued existence and some have even formed militia groups, all convinced that Eren is not human, that he's a titan spy and can't be trusted, so he should be destroyed immediately. If only they knew. There are others as well, but the fact remains that if any of them were to spring an attack on us right now, I can only defend. I will protect him with my life, that's a given, but if he was conscious he could escape. With him unconscious like this, I'd have to kill every single person. Not something I want to do. Maybe I should start sleeping with my gear on.

A knock at the door draws me out of my internal strategizing.

"State your business."

"Sir! It's Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, and Mikasa Ackerman. Pardon the intrusion, but we'd…. we'd really like to see Eren." Armin's voice loses its force toward the end. I know how close they are to Eren and I know he would want to see them as much as they want to see him if the situation was reversed. I don't object to this either. They've proven themselves to be capable and trustworthy soldiers.

I get up to open the door and notice immediately how much I miss Eren's body heat now that I can't feel it.

"Get in."

"Thank you, sir."

Mikasa rushes to sit beside Eren on the bed. We have a lot in common, Mikasa and I. Not only is her strength and skill legendary, a rival to my own, but her protectiveness, loyalty, and dedication to Eren are unwavering. Sometimes too unwavering as she's been known to disobey orders in favor of protecting him. Must be an Ackerman thing. Can't say I mind. She is cold toward me but pleasantries aren't necessary. I trust her. She's risked her life to save Eren even more times than I have.

"I'll give you some privacy. Come find me immediately if he wakes."

* * *

Eren does wake shortly after. I give the order that I am not to be disturbed unless it's a matter of life and death and Eren and I hole ourselves up in my quarters.

We spend the time taking comfort in one another's presence. Resting, talking, making love, confirming that we are both alive, savoring the moment while we still can. Eren is even more rattled after learning the details of this last mission and is noticeably depressed. He is unusually clingy, his normal liveliness replaced by lethargy and apathy, occasionally giving way to tears and outbursts of guilt and self-doubt. I do my best to bolster him, but his confidence has never been as low as it is now. It worries me to see my Eren, the most determined and willful person I've ever known, sink into this state.

Our few days of peaceful recovery eventually restores him to a more normal mood and during this time we move all of Eren's belongings into my room. This seems to lift his spirits the most, being able to call it 'our' room and knowing that he won't be sleeping alone in a cold dungeon or a communal dormitory anymore.

Unfortunately, this peace doesn't last. It never does. One knock on my door and everything goes to total shit.

* * *

It's chaos. Turns out there's titans IN the walls. No, not between the walls, but inside the walls themselves. Though the titans end up between the walls too. Funny, that.

Eren and I are assigned on different teams again during this mission and I am livid. Erwin sends Eren and the available members of the 104th on a rescue operation while titans are rampaging within the newly breached Wall Rose. I'm unfit for combat because of my injury, so I join Hanji to gather information from one of those crazy Wallists, who have been hiding that whole titan-in-the-wall thing from us the entire time. While I'm doing this, the military police, who could actually be fighting titans instead of bitching about them, are standing around scratching their asses. Eren's being kidnapped. Again. By his own friends. _Again_. Gets his arms cut off. Erwin too, but only one of them. Eren almost dies more than once and I don't even know about it until I overhear someone talking about it. Ackerman saved him. I resolve to keep an Ackerman near Eren at all times.

On top of all this, we suffer enormous casualties, losing some of our best men in battle. Mike Zakarius, who held the title of Humanity's Strongest before it was forced on me, missing in action. A nice way of saying 'eaten'. To add even more shit to the colossal pile, I'm told that I've been killing humans this entire time. Yeah, not only are titans inside the walls, they're all human, too. Or used to be. A couple of them can talk. Then I overhear someone else saying that Eren ended up face-to-face with the titan that ate his mother. Had to watch the man who saved him as a child get eaten by that very same titan while trying to save him. **_Again_**.

Fuck! This is all too much. I am positively reeling from this insanity and now I think it's my turn to lean on Eren.

* * *

I didn't see Eren when the 104th returned to headquarters from their mission. Didn't have time to find him, either, as I was ordered to report directly to Erwin's hospital room for debriefing. I can only drift in and out of attention while he's talking because my mind is elsewhere. I can't focus. I can get the details later. He says Eren's name a few times. I don't even remember if I said anything when I left and I probably looked like a walking corpse judging by the way everyone I pass in the hall is avoiding me.

After checking all the usual places Eren might be, there's still no sight of him. My guts are in a knot. I just want to see him. Not seeing him walking about, eating in the mess hall with the others, or sleeping in our room, I assume he's been injured, so I head down to Hanji's lab. They like watching him heal. If I find them experimenting on Eren down there, they'll be watching themselves heal.

I don't bother knocking. Hanji is startled when I barge into the room. He's not in there.

"Shit-glasses. Where's Eren." I'm sure Hanji isn't to blame, but by now I'm having a hard time controlling my anger. My words come out as a growl through gritted teeth.

Hanji releases a long, slow breath, lifting their glasses to rest on the top of their head. Placing their hand over their forehead, they look up to me with sympathetic eyes.

"He's still unconscious from the fight. His injuries were extensive and they're taking a long time to heal. I have him in a private room in down the hall so I can monitor him. Levi, I don't think he'll be up-"

I interrupt them before they get a chance to finish their sentence.

"Bring me to him. _Now_." Hanji simply nods and leads me to Eren's temporary recovery room.

I sit down on his bed, brushing my hand over his forehead and into his hair. He's hot. Very hot. If I didn't know this was part of his titan healing process, I'd be worried he'd die of fever. He doesn't stir in response to my touch.

"I'm taking over his care. I'll send for you if the need arises."

I scoop Eren into my arms, holding him in that bridal carry that annoys him so much. Hanji says my name, but I don't stop to let them finish whatever they were going to say. I storm off and my aura must be terrifying because no one will even look me in the eye as I make my way up to our room holding the limp body of my lover in my arms.

When I lay him on my bed - _our_ bed - I take in his appearance. I see where the injuries are still in the process of healing and I notice the sweat covering his skin. I carefully undress him and retrieve a pitcher of cool water and a cloth from my bath and begin to clean his body. I try to keep him as comfortable as possible, but the stress of the day catches up with me and I fall asleep curled up against his burning body.

It's a while before Eren awakes. I'm left to my own thoughts as I look over his sleeping form and I end up descending into a dark place. I stroke his hair absently, silently willing him to wake up while simultaneously feeling guilty about how needy I am for him right now after he's been through so much. He does wake, though, and we spend the first few hours clutching each other in silence.

Eren is awake but hasn't spoken a word to me yet. He's sitting up, reclined against the headboard of the bed with his hands clasped behind his head. I've been laying with my ear against his chest and I assumed that he was resting with his eyes closed, but when I look up at him, I start to worry. His eyes are open but they're not focused on anything. I sit up so that we're level with each other and I turn to face him. Only then does he turn his eyes toward me.

"I failed." Deadpan. Emotionless.

"You didn't fail, you-"

"Levi, I fucking _failed_! I couldn't do anything! I couldn't save anyone! I couldn't even save myself! What am I even good for? All I do is get people killed. And for what? What do I even have to show for it? I get captured every fucking time and then everyone comes running to save me. Humanity's hope. How the fuck can anyo-"

He's shouting at me. Ranting. Emotion slowly surfaces, starting out as anger and falling into a despair that makes it sound like he's on the verge of tears. There's no way I can think of myself right now. I can't expect him to hold me up when he's about to fall.

"Oi. Eren. Stop."

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? Everything I do ends up-"

I won't let him finish venting his frustration. He blames himself for everything. I use a little too much force when I grab him by the jaw and force him to face me.

"You think you failed? Tell me, where do you think we'd be without you? Erwin told me that you managed to control a horde of titans somehow. Can anyone else do that? Has humanity ever had anything like you? Look, if you need to grieve, grieve. If you don't want to fight anymore, I'll be right there with you. But don't you ever fucking tell me that you're useless again. You hear me?"

Eren doesn't react at all. He just looks down at his lap.

"Mikasa tried to kiss me."

I don't even know how to respond to that. How can he go from beating himself up over his perceived failure to talking about kissing his sister faster than shit through a goose?

"…. the fuck, Eren." I can't help it. I laugh. He gives me the most hilarious confused look before he starts laughing too.

I'm really happy to hear him laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

In preparation for the mission, Erwin orders Squad Levi (which now consists of the elite veterans of the 104th training division) to station themselves in a temporary safehouse near Shiganshina, in titan territory. Reiner and Bertholdt were reported to have been seeking refuge in Shiganshina after their failed attempt to kidnap Eren and may be searching for Eren's childhood home with the intention of obtaining whatever it is that is safeguarded in the basement there. During Ymir's interrogation, another key piece of information was revealed: Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt came from the same village, and though no exact location was given, that village may be located east of Shiganshina, outside the walls.

On the day of transfer to the safehouse, the troops and the officers depart separately. The troops are to maintain a small formation to attract as little titan attention as possible. Reports from patrol squads have reported only very light titan activity within Wall Maria, and the time of departure should have them arriving at the fortified safehouse around sunset, lessening the chances that titans will notice the human presence in the city. If all goes as planned, Squad Levi should be able to make a clear shot straight through Trost on horseback with little to no titan interference, and arrive in Shiganshina in under three hours. Levi and Erwin are trying to recruit reinforcements from the Garrison and MP to supplement the few remaining members of the survey corps. The outcome does not look promising.

Levi sees Eren off as he leaves with the 104th for Shiganshina. He double checks Eren's saddlebags, silently hoping that the added weight doesn't slow his horse down. He can't risk putting them in the wagon with the rest of the supplies, and he'll carry the more valuable items himself in case Eren gets separated from his horse. He is worried about sending Eren into titan-occupied territory, but Mikasa is going to be with him, and if Levi can't be by his side, she's the next best thing. If all else fails, Eren can shift and use brute force or his more refined titan abilities to defend himself and his comrades.

Levi rides up next to Eren as the rest of the squad begins to exit the city. Their hoods are pulled up over their heads to shield them from the afternoon sun and Levi uses this detail to his advantage. He pulls Eren in for a kiss, faces hidden by the hoods of their cloaks. Before Levi releases him, he whispers a final order to Eren.

"If you arrive in the city on time, meet me on top of Wall Maria by sunset."

"Yes, sir."

Levi turns his horse to watch Eren leave. Eren looks back just before he passes through Trost's newly repaired gate, mouthing something at him that he can't make out from this distance.

As soon as Eren is out of sight, Levi returns to the city to arrange a few more details with Hanji and Erwin. He knows it's another gamble, but it's a small one. He hopes he hasn't misinterpreted Erwin's recent cryptic comments and stern looks, and even more that he can trust Hanji's big, loud mouth. 

* * *

Levi sits on the ledge of one of the battlements atop wall Maria, legs dangling precariously over the edge. He's unconcerned about falling; he's wearing his gear. As he's gazing at the sun just beginning to set over the free territory in front of him, he's lost in thought about tomorrow's mission. His conversation with Erwin earlier paid off, but Erwin's behavior was still unusual. Does Erwin suspect him? Will they be able to make their break from the formation plausible, or better yet, completely unnoticed? Or will they just be eaten by titans before their plan can even be executed? If they can do all that, will they even be able to locate the warrior's settlement? And if they do, will they be able to make a peaceful negotiation with them? Levi hopes so.

He's distracted from his thoughts by the clank and hiss of maneuver gear and turns just as Eren leaps over the edge.

"Hi." Eren's greeting drifts over from behind him, barely audible over the honking of the geese that choose to fly above their heads at that very moment, effortlessly crossing over the wall and into the outside world before they disappear from sight. Levi swings his legs back over the ledge and turns to acknowledge Eren's presence with a small smile as he rises, brushing his hands on his pants and hopping down to greet him with a kiss.

It's then that Eren looks up to the elevated battlement where Levi was sitting, eyes widening when he finally notices what Levi has set up for them.

"Levi, what's all this? Is that… Are we having dinner on top of the wall?"

"Mm." Levi hums affirmatively with a curt nod. "I hope you're hungry. This stuff wasn't easy to get."

"Yeah, I'm starving. I left before dinner to make it here. What is it?" Levi takes Eren's hand and leads him up. He climbs atop first, reaching his hand down for Eren to grab.

"I can make it up there on my own," Eren says in a low voice.

"I know." Levi doesn't retract his hand and Eren shakes his head but grabs the offered hand anyway. "That doesn't mean I shouldn't want to help you up."

Levi has laid out a large - is that a _bear_? - animal skin for them to sit on. A lantern sits off to the side and draws Eren's eye to the two mess kits stacked next to it. Levi begins removing his gear and blades, dropping them down with a clank on the stone surface, distracting Eren from the mysterious items before him.

Levi gestures toward Eren's own gear, silently instructing him to remove his as well. "Titans can't climb, the Garrison all ran home to their mothers, and no one knows we're up here. Might as well be comfortable."

He hopes that colossal bastard Bertholdt doesn't decide to show up to prove him wrong. Or that hairy fucking ape. God, that thing is creepy.

He motions Eren to sit and they both seat themselves on the thick pelt, sitting side by side looking over the landscape. The sun has sunk closer to the horizon, illuminating the trees from the right, casting everything to the left in growing blue shadow.

Momentarily engrossed in the breathtaking view in front of him, Eren whispers out an awed "wow." Levi chuckles and Eren's attention is pulled back to the man seated next to him.

"Levi… Is this a date? Is this a ho-," Levi interrupts Eren before he can finish that question.

"Eren, don't you dare." Eren grins and finishes his question anyway.

"…hot titan date?" Levi gives an irritated sigh, bringing his hand to his face, rubbing at his brow as if he had a headache.

"Goddamn it, Eren." Levi's words sound angry, but Eren notices the way Levi's lips subtly turn up at the edges. Eren laughs.

"Sorry, Levi. Couldn't resist." He doesn't sound apologetic at all.

"Fucking… Ugh. Yes, it's a date. Can we just eat now?" He leans over to grab the mess kits, hoping the food is at least a little warm. It's not. He places one tray in Eren's lap before taking his own and opening it. When the smell of the food reaches his nose, he remembers one more thing. He stretches back over to stick his hand into the pack, and soon finding what he was looking for, pulls out a dark glass bottle.

"Ah. Almost forgot."

Levi sets the bottle in front of him as he reaches again for something in his bag. Eren furrows his brow and looks suspiciously at the bottle.

"Is that wine? You… Didn't get that from Pixis, did you?" Eren says as he shivers at the memory.

Levi produces a corkscrew from his pack and gives a rare, genuine laugh. "Fuck no. I want to show you what good wine is supposed to taste like. And you better enjoy it because this shit was harder to get than the food. You'll have to drink from the bottle because I didn't pack glasses." He's not even sure Eren is listening. He's too busy being impressed by what he found inside his tin mess kit.

"That's fine," Eren says absently. He's picking up the tray and holding it under his nose, inhaling deeply and letting out an actual moan at the smell. "Oh my god, Levi. You got us real food. I completely forgot how food is supposed to smell without the smell of that yeast. Can I eat this now? You know what, don't even answer that. I don't even care what this is, I need it now."

Eren almost starts to eat with his hands and feels slightly embarrassed at his manners when he sees his fork and uses that before Levi can notice his mistake. Levi may have been a thug in the underground, but he has high standards and expects everyone else to adhere to them as well. Impressing Levi is something Eren's wanted to do even before he met him.

Eren takes his first forkful and begins to chew, forgetting to swallow before exclaiming, "This is meat!" Now he's talking to Levi with his mouth full. Whatever, he's way too excited about the food to care about manners right now.

Levi nods, still not having started eating his food, finally uncorking the wine and setting it down. "It's beef." Now he picks up his tray and eats.

Eren seems even more amazed. He's trying so hard not to shovel it into his mouth all at once, but it's so good. He knows that with the very limited space for raising livestock, beef is an incredibly rare commodity only affordable to nobles and the wealthier people living in the interior. He feels a swell of gratitude and love for Levi providing him with such an expensive, unnecessary treat. He feels a tiny bit guilty when he thinks about how much Levi must have paid for this. Turning to look Levi in the face, he gives him a sincere thanks.

"Thank you, Levi. This is amazing. How did you manage to get this?"

Levi has the wine bottle raised to his lips, and as he swallows, he hands the bottle over to Eren. "Not important. Try this."

Eren takes the bottle and hesitantly sniffs it. He doesn't trust wine. He's surprised that this actually smells pretty good and raises the bottle to his lips to take a curious sip. It's not bad, he thinks. It's a little strange. It's a new flavor to him and nothing like the rank liquid he nearly spat in the eccentric Garrison Commander's face on the day he was supposed to be convincing him not to kill him. It's a little bitter but sweet at the same time. It has a weird texture in his mouth when he swallows, and he feels the faint warming sensation of alcohol bloom in his nose and throat, going all the way down to his still mostly empty stomach. He gulps down a few more mouthfuls, larger sips this time, and he feels a comfortable relaxation settle in him. No, it's not bad at all.

The final glimpse of daylight is extinguished from the sky as they finish their food in peaceful silence. Eren makes sure to save half of the wine for Levi. He mentally curses it for probably being ridiculously expensive if the quality of the food Levi procured for them is anything to go by. Levi doesn't do anything halfway and he's certain the wine is just as much of an unaffordable rarity as the meat. Then he realizes that there's probably no wine outside the walls anyway. Damn. He could have gotten used to all this.

Having finished their food and the remainder of the wine, Levi sets the empty containers to the side and reaches into his pack once again. Eren is curious, watching intently as Levi presents him with a small wooden box tied with red ribbon.

"Open it."

Eren slowly pulls the ribbon, setting it aside carefully before sliding off the lid, and looks inside. Puzzled at the contents of the small box, he looks to Levi for an explanation.

"Chocolate."

* * *

"The mission is tomorrow," Eren states while looking up at the stars just beginning to appear in the sky, trying to find all the shapes Armin always pointed out.

"It is."

"We could die."

"It's likely."

"That's why you did all this." It's not a question and Levi sees no need to respond.

"I guess I'll never get to find out what's in my basement."

"Your house is right down there somewhere. I'll take you if you want."

"….No."

"Even if it's the secret to saving humanity?"

"It might not be."

"You can change your mind."

"No." A long pause. "I don't think I actually can save them. I'm only good at getting people killed."

"Soldiers know they're signing up to die when they choose to fight. Death is the wages of war. I still believe you're the best chance humanity has ever gotten to triumph over the titans. We can turn back now. I'll understand."

"No. I want this. Are you forgetting that I'm a titan too? If we survive the final battle, I'll be the last titan. Did you also forget who it was that took on the responsibility of killing the last titan because no one else was suitable for the job?"

Levi often thought about that on sleepless nights and dreaded that day. He had nightmares about it and Eren never knew why he'd wake up to find Levi clinging to him for dear life. It's one of the reasons he's taking this chance with him. If he sheds the wings of freedom and his oath to humanity's salvation that came with them, he also sheds his promise to kill Eren when it becomes necessary.

"I don't even want to save humanity anymore. I'm not sure if I ever did, to be honest. I just wanted to kill the titans. I wanted revenge… for myself. They all wanted me dead from the minute I first discovered that I could transform. Pretty sure most of them still do. Well, fuck them. Now they can see what it's like if they had their way. Even if people die because they don't have their precious weapon anymore, at least I won't be there to see the blood on my hands."

Eren sounds so bitter. Levi, of course, understands, but it's still painful to hear how Eren has changed from a confident, determined hero to a jaded, worn out soldier like himself.

"I'm going to miss Armin and Mikasa."

They sit in silence for a while, looking out over the free territory as the stars grow brighter against the contrast of the rapidly blackening sky. There are no lights over that horizon except the moon and stars. The small lantern still flickers next to them, orange flame mixing with cool, blue moon, creating a warm circle of light around the two of them, their own personal world on top of the wall.

They meet in a kiss, slowly, a mirror of their first. That night when Levi kissed Eren in the dark as he awoke, his eyes opening to the dawn of a new era in their relationship. Hands in each other's hair, the kiss remains slow and gentle. They take their time.

Levi's distracted by the weight of the tiny thing sitting in his belt pouch. How can something so small be so heavy?

He'd gone into the underground to secure some necessities for their trip outside the walls. Contraband. One item, though, one tiny item, cost him more than everything else combined. It was easily the most crucial object as well. Levi never in his life desired to do something like this, but when he met Eren…

It started as an amusing image in the back of his mind, one that he pushed away as whimsy, unnecessary whenever it surfaced. The longer he knew Eren, and the closer they grew, he started seriously considering that thing which he previously considered frivolous. It really was frivolous, having no real meaning in a world like this, but that morning when he looked into those sunlit gold and green eyes, he knew he would do it. He wanted to slip that gold and emerald ring onto Eren's finger and forsake all other loyalties, offering up his heart and life to his Eren instead.

He spent a lot of time in the underground that day, a place he never wanted to see again, looking for a gold and emerald ring. He was originally planning on paying a visit to the noble who owned it and relieving him of it, but when Erwin gave the order to deploy, he knew he would never make it to Mitras and back in time. Levi may have started life as a thief, and most would believe that means a complete forfeiture of morals, but Levi's seen enough to know that morality is relative at best, a lie at worst. He's seen people starve, he's seen those starving people steal and even kill just to continue living, all the while the nobles in the interior live in comfort and luxury. In the underground, he was lucky if he even had clean water to drink. Surely living in excess while humans of the same blood and bone starve in the streets is a far worse crime than pilfering a lump of metal that joined nine others on a rich man's fingers.

Levi never did find that gold and emerald ring that reminded him of Eren's eyes. He found something far better. A simple band of silver metal. Precious metals were very rare outside of Sina, most of them priceless relics from pre-wall times when the metals were more plentiful. Even though the ring looked plain, even if it was silver and not the more expensive gold, it was still extremely valuable. Except... it wasn't silver. It was platinum. Far rarer and more precious than even gold and emeralds. It is stronger than gold, heavier, and instead of bending or breaking like gold will, platinum will age and weather with wear yet remain solid. Its color is a pale silver, appearing to be nearly white. Levi never dreamed that he'd be so painfully in love that he'd consider such romantic symbolism, but that was before Eren roared into his life and demolished everything he thought was true.

Levi wanted this to be a night of new experiences, trying to accomplish all those things Eren made him want to do before he died. Since when does Levi take people on dates? They'd be walking into imminent death tomorrow, it was now or never. A last hurrah of sorts; a going-away party. If they were lucky they'd get to experience even more together. If not, he didn't want to die with regrets.

Discreetly retrieving the ring from my belt, I break the long kiss and gaze at Eren with a soft expression that I didn't even know I could make. Probably the first time. Kinda wonder what it looks like. Hope it isn't frightening Eren. My face has a tendency to do that to people.

Sighing, I extract myself from Eren's arms. I present myself in an act of deference to him, lowering in front of him on both knees. I grab him by the chin to encourage him to look directly at me before I speak.

"We're going outside tomorrow. We're giving up everything we've ever known to chase a dream. I'd given up hope of ever tasting freedom until I met you. You're the first promising weapon against the titans, the first hope humanity has had in a hundred years. When you showed me the strength of your will, you returned hope to me. Nothing has ever given me hope, but you gave me even more than that. Purpose. Strength. A refuge. Why should I offer my heart to humanity or the survey corps when they've given me nothing but an unbearable burden?"

Eren stays quiet, giving me all his attention. I don't miss the way he swallows when I pause to take a deep breath. I gently stroke his cheek with my knuckles.

"I'm revoking all other loyalties." I salute him with the ring clutched in the opposite hand. "I offer up my heart to you, Eren Yeager. I swear my life and loyalty to you and you alone."

Taking his hand in both of mine, I start to slip the ring onto Eren's finger, stopping at the first knuckle, looking into his eyes for an answer.

He swallows again, poor kid looks white as a ghost. I hope he doesn't puke.

"Levi, is this… Are you…" He's too stunned to get the words out.

"Marry me."

Eren's jaw drops open slightly and his eyes widen in disbelief. I've apparently rendered him speechless, the complete opposite of his natural state.

All he manages to get out is a breathy "Okay."

I slide the ring onto his finger completely. I really hope he doesn't notice my hand shaking.

Eren immediately straightens himself onto his knees and salutes me in return. I don't know what to do now, so I yank his face to me with both hands and kiss him harder than I ever have before. I realize I've split his lip with my teeth from my roughness when I taste his blood in my mouth. I don't dislike it. I _really_ don't dislike when steam starts billow from between our lips, creating an odd contrast of hot steam and the cold dampness of it evaporating on our skin. Some of the steam enters my mouth and I inhale it greedily. There's no denying it now even if I wanted to, which I sure as hell don't: _I'm kissing a fucking titan_ and I'm harder than the platinum band I just put around his finger.

* * *

Eren and I so consumed with each other that everything up till now is a blur. Somehow we've managed to get our boots off. Our belts and harnesses are unbuckled, hanging loose at our sides. My shirt is hanging open and the sharp item that I've just painfully kneeled on turns out to be a button. Ah.

We're up on our knees, kissing so frantically that our lips are now swollen and raw and our faces are disgustingly covered in saliva. Eren is moaning into my mouth and rutting against my leg. I need more of him. I need to feel him, breathe him, swallow him, taste him, devour him completely so he'll be a part of me forever. Can't wait anymore. I grab him behind the thighs and wrap them around my waist, carrying him to the very edge of the wall. He squeaks when I pick him up so suddenly and it's the cutest fucking thing.

He looks at me with wide eyes, startled, when he realizes I've laid him down with his head over the edge of the wall. Does he think I'd let something happen to him after all that? Yeah, this is risky, but we're never going to get the chance to do something like this again. I rip down his pants, not wanting to waste another second. The thigh belts catch a little on the way down and I hope I haven't bruised him, but if he's in any discomfort he doesn't show it. Kid's had his arms cut off more than once. His pain tolerance is unreal. I grab him by the thighs again, pressing them forward and bending him nearly in half over himself, his head raised but still unsupported over the ledge, his hands braced flat against the stone beside him.

"I've got you." He watches my eyes before relaxing. He makes an unimpressed-sounding comment that nearly makes me laugh again.

"Levi, why am I eye-to-eye with my own penis." It's not a question. Sounds more like a threat, actually.

Sina, Rose and Maria, I can not believe I'm going to do this.

I give him an answer in the form of my tongue dragging over his asshole. He shouts and wriggles so hard that I am temporarily afraid that he will actually fall off the wall and I grip his thighs so tight that I am definitely bruising him this time. Still, I'm amused by his reaction and chuckle against his ass.

"Levi, what the fuck?!"

"Don't shit yourself, brat." Why did I just say that. "Do you want me to stop?"

"….no."

I continue lapping at him, contemplating this new sensation on my tongue. Eren has allowed his head to fall back over the edge of the wall. I notice that this is muffling his gorgeous noises and I'm temporarily annoyed before I realize that these won't be the last moans I'm drawing out of him tonight. I can actually hear his heart pounding against his chest, hopefully from the rush of knowing that he's 50 meters in the air, hanging over a ledge and could fall to his death at any given moment. I would never let this happen, obviously, but the illusion of danger is still there. You never feel more alive than when you're staring death in the face.

I give his skin a light, experimental suck, just along the rim. He seems to enjoy that, so I do it a few more times, a little harder now. I wonder if he could come from me doing this and then decide to have mercy on him as I remember his hunched-forward position. I get another idea that seems like something he might like, and I hesitate for a moment before thinking fuck it, why not. I know why not. I'm going to do it anyway. I can't see his face so I concentrate on how good it must look right now, picturing it in my mind to distract me from the thought that I am now sticking my tongue in an anus. Just the very tip because it took a little more pressure than I anticipated. Eren's reaction is worth it. He shouts my name so loud that it carries across the silent stretch of grassland below us, echoing back against the dense wall of trees beyond. I hear some crows rustle the leaves in a nearby tree as they fly away cawing. I calculate the likeliness of the sound reaching the safehouse behind us and imagine Eren's sleeping squadmates waking up to the sound of him screaming my name because my tongue is up his asshole.

I have to stop when I start laughing because that mental image is just too much to handle. Armin possibly crying, arms around his knees as he rocks himself in wide-eyed shock. Steely-faced Mikasa gripping a dagger with white knuckles, ready to castrate me. Hanji bouncing with excitement at the idea of new types of experiments they could run on Eren. Jean, I can't decide what's funnier to picture with him. Either smugly declaring "Pay up," holding his hand out to collect his winnings, or shouting out in distress, "for Sina's sake, Yeager! I don't need to hear this!" Sasha and Connie would still be sleeping like rocks with drool running down their faces. Gross.

Eren lifts his head up and looks at me. I run a hand down my face trying to control my laughter.

"Sorry. I just pictured you waking up the squad shouting my name." I move my hands to his hips trying to figure out how to drag him back from the edge without scraping his skin on the stone.

It's his turn to cover his face with his hand before he reaches up to clasp his hands behind my neck, allowing me to wrap my arms around his back and pull him to fall backward with me on top of the animal skin.

"You're still going to do it again. I'm never going to get tired of hearing that."

Eren's kneeling over me and I nearly choke at the view. Eren, towering over me, chest heaving, glistening skin spread taught over his strong, muscular body, cock standing at attention with the small pearl of clear pre-ejaculate gathered at the tip slowly rolling down along the hard flesh. The lantern had gone out unnoticed, so Eren's beauty is amplified by the way the moonlight illuminates and shadows him in soft white light and how his bared skin stands out against the blue-black darkness of the sky.

Eren moves back a little to get at my fly and finally my pants come off. He leaves my ruined shirt. He then leans forward to flatten his tongue against my balls, dragging it torturously slow along my length before taking the head in his mouth. That's it, I am not waiting a second longer. I buck him off of me, using my thighs to topple him over. He knocks over the empty wine bottle when he tries to catch himself, shattering it on the top of the wall as it rolls off the edge of our platform. I reach over and drag my pack toward me, instantly retrieving the bottle of oil that I made sure was within easy reach in a front pocket.

"Turn your back to me. Kneel." I usually want to look at his face when we fuck, but tonight is a special occasion.

I pour the oil into my palm, letting it spill over and pool between my fingers before I get on my knees behind Eren, pushing him forward to support himself with his hands, easing two of my fingers up his ass, turning them to coat his insides with oil.

"Ngh… _aahhhhhhhh_ …" Eren's deep, throaty moan encourages me to hurry up before I waste this perfectly good erection across his back.

I grab the bottle again and coat myself with an excessive amount before lining myself up, the swollen head of my cock gently inching into him as I press it against his asshole.

He sighs and hums when I sink myself into him until his ass is against my hips. I lean forward to bring my arms around his chest and pull him off of his hands and against me. He's now fully upright, back firmly against my chest, legs spread wide astride my knees, my arms strongly securing him against me.

He turns his head to look at me with an adorably demure look considering we're fucking on top of Wall Maria, out in the open, over his demolished childhood home with his friends and squadmates sleeping in an abandoned armory below, titans probably standing dormant somewhere nearby. Eren doesn't seem to care where my mouth has been. We kiss, unhurriedly tasting each other, breathing in each other's scent, feeling the cool of the evening against our naked, vulnerable skin. I separate our mouths by lifting my hand to grip his chin, turning his face forward. He gasps.

We fuck looking out over freedom. Over our future. And if we're unlucky tomorrow, we'll at least have had a hell of a last night together.

From our perspective up on the wall, the world beyond looks so vast and so tiny at the same time. The trees nearest us look small and far away, the trees in the distance look more like mountains, their tops forming peaks and valleys, a black and shadowy horizon dividing the dark blue sky. I hope Eren's ocean is somewhere out there.

The slick sounds of me slamming into Eren and the way he sighs and moans out my name, little ' _aahs_ ' and drawn out 'ohs' and ' _mmms_ ' on every forward thrust and brush of my fingers over his nipples are what pushes me past the point of no return. Trying for as long as possible to hold off my imminent orgasm, I lower my hand to stroke his cock. Short, rapid strokes, thumb swiping just over the back of the ridge under the head, exactly how he likes it. I feel him throb in my hand and start to clench around me and that's what finishes me. I cry out, groaning loudly into his ear, moaning in sync with the pulses of my cock as I fill him.

Eren's body becomes rigid almost immediately after so I remain inside him, fist still moving around him, leaning in to lick the rivulets of salty sweat that leave glittering trails as they drip down his neck. He comes with another shout that echoes in front of us and it sounds so good that waves of pleasure run through my body, causing me to gasp out Eren's name, throwing my head back and moaning at the overwhelming assault on my senses.

When Eren hunches back over onto his hands and knees to catch his breath, I happen to glance down over his shoulder to see an impressive amount of semen splattered on the stone surface in front of him. I suppose that might be even better than carving "Eren + Levi" into the wall before we leave. Yes, much better. I don't get to make my own contribution as the bearskin catches mine when I draw out of him. Unfortunate.

We dress before laying back down together on the coarse fur to recover. Eren rests his hand on my bare stomach, my shirt having been destroyed earlier, feeling it move with the rise and fall of my breaths. I look down to admire him and my eye catches the moonlight reflecting off of the silvery-white metal that now adorns his finger. It's peaceful. I don't want this to end. Nature has other plans.

"Oi, Eren, there's one more thing I want to do before we head back." He gets up to follow me to the opposite ledge of the wall, the one that overlooks the city.

I open my fly and pull myself out before proceeding to take a much needed piss over the edge.

"Uh… Levi?"

"What."

"I, uh, don't think I can join you."

I finish up, shaking myself off before tucking myself back in. I turn to Eren to ask him why, but as I look him over my eye is drawn to the bulge in his pants.

"You have to be kidding me."

"I can't help it!" He actually seems embarrassed.

"Goddamn teenagers."

Still, I smile to myself as we begin to pack up for the trip back into the city.

I've always wanted to do that.

* * *

Eren and I maneuver back down the wall and over the rooftops of the destroyed city until we reach tonight's temporary accommodations. Eren managed to claim the biggest, cleanest room for us and I could kiss him for that. In fact, I do. Before we go to bed on clean sheets and a soft mattress for what may be the very last time, we make room for one more goodbye tonight. The civilized thing I'm going to miss the most.

A hot bath.

"Levi…" Eren's damp, heavy head rests back against my shoulder.

"Hm." I'm too tired and relaxed to acknowledge him with more than a hum, my head fallen back as well, though mine is against the bathtub which is considerably less soft than my shoulder.

"You know we can't get married out there."

"I don't care."

"Me neither."


	8. Chapter 8

Erwin, Levi and Commander Pixis of the Garrison are gathered in the room that currently serves as Erwin's temporary office as he recovers from his injury. Although Erwin lost his arm in the chaos of the last battle, leaving the Survey Corps short one more skilled veteran, the stoic commander seems rather unaffected by it.

"As a result of the titan occupation within Wall Rose, the citizens took refuge in the underground cities. As expected, the food supplies ran out after only a week and the refugees erupted into violence. It's all under control for the moment, though the situation is still delicate, as I'm sure you can understand." Pixis reaches for his flask as he speaks, grasping at air until he remembers that it's not there.

Levi is lost in his own thoughts during Commander Pixis' report. He thinks of the devastating losses incurred during their last mission, accepting that the Survey Corps is on its last legs. He's reminded of humanity's weakness, completely at the mercy of hungry, mindless beasts, relying entirely on the walls as their only protection. Walls worshiped as gods, walls believed to be built by gods, walls that were once believed to be indestructible. Humanity doesn't stand a chance without Eren and he hates that the impossible burden of bearing all of humanity's hope has been forced upon his shoulders.

He knows how stressed and doubtful Eren is, growing more depressed and guilty after every mission. Eren is currently en route to a hidden location with Historia Reiss. It's a risky move. They can't afford to be seen by anyone. The both of them, now known to be crucial elements to humanity's survival, are in immediate risk of capture and Levi can think of nothing besides getting the hell out of here and joining Eren at the safehouse. It's not until Hanji arrives with Connie Springer in tow that he starts to pay closer attention to the conversation.

Hanji goes over the disturbing new information about the true nature of titans and Levi feels sick at the knowledge that he's been killing people this entire time. There was no way to know and it's not going to change the fact that he needs to kill titans to survive. He notes Erwin's creepy, glazed-over look, practically smiling at the revelation that titans were once human and it sends a shiver down his spine.

Erwin eventually asks Hanji about the current location of Eren and Historia and Levi tightens his jaw, hoping the action goes unnoticed by the commander. He knows it won't; Erwin has always been able to see right through him. Hanji tells Erwin that Eren and Historia are being held in an undisclosed location and leaves it at that. Levi is silently grateful. Hanji and Connie are then dismissed and leave immediately for the safehouse.

"Levi, where exactly are Eren and Historia right now?" Erwin is prying and Levi does not plan on revealing anything to him, especially after his increasingly strange behavior.

"Like Hanji said, they're being hidden. I suppose you at least deserve to know that I've assembled a new special operations squad from the members of the 104th and they're currently guarding Eren. The fewer people who know, the lower the chances of them being located."

"I see. If there's nothing else, you're free to join Squad Leader Hanji. Levi, stay safe."

"I always do."

* * *

Levi's swift departure and refusal to reveal the location of Eren and Historia further confirms Erwin's conclusion about the nature of Levi and Eren's relationship. He'd suspected that they were hiding something for quite some time now. It began almost immediately after gaining custody of Eren.

He'd picked up on the way Levi watched him a little more closely than any of the other soldiers. Levi trusted Eren with his personal errands and gave him chores that required them to remain in close proximity. They could be seen daily out in the courtyard sparring or grappling, Eren receiving inordinate amounts of extra training from the busy Corporal. Eren always jumped at the chance to help Levi with anything asked of him, his desire to please the Corporal painfully obvious.

When they were out on patrols or missions, Levi always made sure to stay by him, and if he couldn't remain at Eren's side, he made sure to assign another squad member to look after him. When he was injured, Levi had Eren ride double with him, allowing him to lean back against his chest, arms securing him as he held the reins, Eren's horse following riderless behind them. He oversaw Eren's medical treatment and recovery, and as soon as they returned from a mission, they promptly disappeared together. When Eren moved into Levi's room, Levi gave no explanation other than it being his job to monitor Eren at all times. It wasn't until Erwin accidentally stumbled upon a private moment between the two that his suspicions were officially confirmed.

It was on a night when Erwin was returning to Survey Corps headquarters from a meeting with Commander Pixis. It was an especially beautiful night. The sky was cloudless, giving a perfect view of the stars. He was leading his horse through the small grassy area on the wooded outskirts of the castle, leaving the fatigued animal to graze before untacking it and returning it to the stables. It was well into the small hours of the morning and no one except those assigned to guard duty should have been awake, so when he noticed the light coming from the stable door, he decided he should investigate.

Erwin approached the stables silently, grassy earth padding his steps. When he cautiously peeked into the stable window, he found it to be empty, save for the sleeping horses and a single, lit lantern hanging near the tack room. Assuming it was left behind by whoever had cleaned the stables that evening, he began the walk back to retrieve his horse. It was then that he thought he heard voices nearby, more than one, though they were so quiet that he couldn't tell the exact number. Once again making sure not to alert the unidentified parties, he rounded the other side of the stable and that's when he saw them: Two figures sitting side by side in the soft grass of the grazing pasture.

They sat with their heads leaned together, one figure's arm around the other's back. It was too dark to make out any details other than their silhouettes. They were still speaking so quietly that Erwin strained to pick up on the voices despite his closer proximity to them. Determining the situation to be a non-threat, he decided he should at least find out who was sneaking out of headquarters past curfew. As soon as he was close enough to recognize the voices, he froze. It was Eren and Levi.

"… _think we'll ever be able_ …"

"… _can… hope so, kid._ "

Erwin was still too far from them to hear their conversation clearly, but when he saw the two figures lean their faces toward each other to kiss while one guided the other back to lay in the grass, he took that as his sign to leave.

Erwin wondered just how far Levi would go to protect Eren. Levi more than proved his loyalty to the Survey Corps in his years of service to them, but now that Levi had allowed himself to become attached to Eren, he knew that it could become a weakness. Erwin had no plans to confront Levi about the private relationship, but he would be keeping a much closer eye on him now.

* * *

The last thing I remember before blacking out was riding in a wagon, trying to get Mikasa and an unconscious, bleeding Commander Erwin back over the wall. I was trying so hard to stay awake for them but I was completely drained, in shock from everything that just happened.

Mikasa and I almost got eaten by a titan, except it wasn't just any titan. It was the titan that ate my mom. Just like back then, Mr. Hannes came swooping in to save me and Mikasa, but this time he didn't make it. Mikasa thought we were really going to die this time and she tried to kiss me. Seeing her giving up instead of fighting scared me. Somehow I managed to use some sort of titan ability I didn't even know I had that controlled all the titans around us so we ended up making a safe getaway.

On the way back to the city, I started really missing Levi. I was worried. Mikasa, strong, and, in my mind, nearly invincible, ended up seriously injured during the fight. Broken ribs, I think. I've never seen her like that and it made me hope that Levi was okay. They're the two strongest soldiers I know and sometimes I forget that they're not actually invincible.

I couldn't stop thinking about what happened with Reiner and Bertholdt. We were such good friends and I really looked up to Reiner. We all did. They're the only ones who offered to help me practice with the 3DMG during training, even risking our asses by sneaking out of the barracks after curfew. I must be a pretty poor judge of character because they ended up mangling me before trying to kidnap me. And the best part of that? Turns out they're the ones who broke the walls, killed my mom, and basically turned my life into a living hell. I wanted to kill those motherfuckers right then and there. I mean, I tried, but not having arms makes that kinda difficult.

So here I am, sitting in the wagon, trying not to pass out, hating myself for letting all this happen. I got myself captured again, and, like usual, everyone comes to rescue me and ends up getting killed because no matter how hard I try, I'm still so fucking useless. Mikasa's laying at my feet with broken bones, the Commander's missing his entire fucking arm, mine are still growing back "like a damned lizard or something," as Levi would say, and on top of all that, Jean has the nerve to start picking a fight with me.

We got into it for a moment, but I really didn't have the energy to deal with his bullshit. Telling me how everyone died in vain saving me. Asshole. But then he said something that surprised me. He told me I had the choice to make their deaths worth something. As long as I keep trying and if I can somehow manage to seal Wall Maria, that will be my way to avenge them. I have to give everything I can as penance for all the death I've caused. I must have been really out of it because I ended up thanking Jean before I finally blacked out.

I woke up in Levi's arms.

The relief of having him near me and knowing he made it out alive was short-lived. As soon as I woke up, everything that happened came rushing back to me. I debated talking to Levi about it. I always tell him everything and he always takes care of me, but I could tell he was upset and I didn't want to make it harder on him with my pathetic crying. After a while of laying together in silence, I decided that I shouldn't hide my feelings from him. I always feel better after talking to him and he always understands me. I end up telling him about everything that happened. He's so strong. I wish I could be more like him. I know I have other people who care about me, but no one gets me like Levi does and I don't think I could ever trust someone as much as I trust him.

We don't get to share much time together because as soon as Hanji finds out I'm awake, I'm rushed to some secret hideout out in the middle of nowhere with the rest of the 104th. Levi has to stay behind with Hanji to meet with Commander Erwin. I try to be mature and not pout about it, but I really don't want to be away from him right now and I'm pretty pissed that I have to go without him. Hanji assures me he'll be right behind us. I suck it up like a good soldier and get busy trying to occupy myself at the safehouse until he gets there.

* * *

"Come _on_ , you guys! Corporal Levi is going to arrive any minute now and he's gonna be pissed if we don't finish cleaning up this mess!"

I'm beyond frustrated right now. Why does Jean always have to be such a pain in the ass? All I'm asking him to do is help clean up a little since I've done the brunt of the work, but horse-face can't even wipe his boots off before he comes in and I have to keep cleaning up the mud he leaves all over the floor. I even had to make his fucking bed for him! I'm about to lose it. If he fucks up one more thing for me today, I'm going to tie him up and make him sleep in the stable where he belongs. Maybe I can even get him to shovel shit while he's out there. Yeah, right.

"Jean! You've been doing nothing but screwing around and I just had to mop up the mud that YOU tracked in for the third time today! Do you think the Corporal's going to be happy when he comes in and sees what a mess this place is?"

"God, Eren, you nag like my mother. What are you, Levi's little housewife?"

Okay, that's it. I'm not dealing with this right now. I'll take care of everything myself, not like I don't always end up doing that anyway.

"You know what? Go. Just go. If you're going to stand there doing nothing, at least get out of my way so I can take care of the mess. You can go outside and stand around with your thumb up your ass for all I care, just get out of my face before I turn into a titan and bite that stupid-looking haircut right off your head."

"Oh, did I hit a nerve there, Yeager? O-ho, I did, didn't I? Whatever, though. Have fun. I'm outta here." As soon as he's out the door, I hear his loud mouth bitching at Sasha and Connie about potatoes. Ugh.

I'm taking my frustration out on the floors, which I think I've scrubbed so hard that there's probably a hole under my scrub brush, when my mind starts wandering again. I feel a heaviness in my chest when I remember the first time I ever cleaned for Levi. I remember mucking out the stables with Auruo, Gunther and Erd. Auruo always thought he was too good for the job and decided he needed to supervise us instead, to "make sure you're doing it up to the Corporal's standards." Washing windows with Petra, who never failed to cheer me up with her cheerful disposition, not to mention her very interesting gossip. I remember the time Levi walked in right as she got done calling him short. They're all dead now because of me.

I hear Mikasa come in and set a pile of firewood down in the corner. I snap out of it, looking down at my pitiful brush, bristles bent and splayed, worn down to nothing in some parts. I sigh.

"Mikasa, _pleeeeease_ don't make a mess with that. If I have to keep re-cleaning everything I'll never have this all done in time for when Levi gets here."

"Why are you always trying so hard to please that shorty? It's not like we're under orders to clean. We're supposed to be hiding out. You'd be better off chopping more firewood than washing windows, or is it that you actually enjoy eating raw potatoes?"

Armin walks in while I'm still trying to convince Mikasa not to make a mess. I know she'll do it for me, but she's still left a pile of dirt and splinters for me to clean up. I think I just saw a bug crawl out of the pile. One of those little ones that rolls itself up into a ball when you startle them. I think they're pretty funny to watch but I'll have to remember to bring it outside before Levi gets here.

"Come on, Mikasa! You know how the Corporal is. He's gonna make us clean it anyway so we might as well do it before he gets a chance to be pissed about it. Besides, I'm pretty sure you don't want to have to sleep here with all the dust and cobwebs. And all the bugs that you just brought in."

Armin notices the pile of firewood next to Mikasa. Great, here it comes.

"Mikasa! You can't be chopping firewood with broken ribs! Let someone else do that!"

"I'm not going to sit around doing nothing. We need firewood. It's good exercise."

"Mikasa!"

"Go ahead and try to stop her, Armin. She was doing situps earlier. Unless you think you can beat her in a fight..." I quirk my brow up at Armin.

Armin won't give up trying to talk Mikasa out of doing manual labor and I'm not in the mood to stay and listen to them bicker. I remember how Petra and Auruo used to argue like this. As annoying as it is to listen to Armin and Mikasa doing the same thing, I'm really grateful that I still get to hear it. I hope it never stops.

"Do us all a favor and clean something while you're arguing. I'm going to make sure the Corporal's room is at least up to his standards." With that, I grab my bucket and hide out in Levi's, no, _our_ room until he gets here.

"Eren really spends a lot of time with the Corporal."

Mikasa grits her teeth and grabs a broom from the corner just a bit too roughly.

"You know he sleeps in the Corporal's room now, right?"

Suddenly there's a bit more firewood to add to the pile.

"Eren, I know you're in there, wake up! I think you've napped long enough, it's time to get up! Now! Corporal Levi is on his way in!"

Armin startles me awake when he throws open the door and starts frantically shouting at me to wake up. I'm actually glad he cares about me enough to do that. Really, where would I be without him?

"Hurry up, he's done tying up his horse!"

I must have fallen asleep when I shut myself in our room to get away from all the noise earlier. I remember inspecting every centimeter, right down to sweeping the last speck of dust out of the very corner of the room. I'd already cleaned this room twice over as soon as we arrived. It was the first thing I did. Maybe the others are fine living in filth, but Levi isn't.

Then I remember sitting on our bed to rest for a minute. My thoughts naturally drifted, first to the faces of all the people I'd never get to see again. How they died because they believed in me. How I should have saved them but instead they saved me. Just like it always is. My stomach was aching with guilt and regret, so I remember laying down on my side and curling up to ease the pain in my middle.

Yeah, I must have been sleeping by then because the next thing I remember is standing alone on top of a mountain of rotting corpses. I looked down to see how high I was off the ground. The pile was huge. The ground was so far away, and it wasn't dirt or grass, it was blood. I looked at some of the bodies trying to see if I knew any of them. I did. Their cloudy, lifeless eyes were all looking up at me, wide and pleading. I scanned more of the faces and that's when I saw Armin and Mikasa. Bodies bent backwards and broken, looking up to me with their ribcages split wide open, empty caverns where their hearts should be.

I covered my eyes to try to block it all out but the smell of blood wouldn't let me forget. My face felt warm and wet and I thought I might be crying, but when I drew my hands away, I saw that it wasn't tears, it was blood. Blood pouring from my palms, spilling down my arms, running like rivers down the pile of bodies. I followed the blood with my eyes as it flowed toward the ground. That's when I saw Levi. He was blood-drenched, standing in a pool of it up to his knees. It soaked his clothes, it dripped from his hair, it dried brown and thick on his hands and face.

His hands... He was reaching out his hand to me. His palm was turned up. He wasn't trying to climb up. He was offering his hand to help me down. I reached for his hand, starting to slide down the mountain of corpses. I catch my foot in a tangle of intestines and I slip and fall headlong into the carnage, sending broken bones and skulls full of maggots rolling and tumbling down, the rotted body landslide reaching the bottom before me and falling into the blood with a sickening splash.

I reached out in a panic and I was just about to make contact with Levi's hand when he closed his eyes. I looked up and saw Commander Erwin standing behind him, unsheathed blades in both hands. Levi fell to his knees as one hand pressed a bloodied blade across his throat. Erwin slowly raised his other arm behind his head, bending at the elbow, preparing to stab me in the chest. I flinched and closed my eyes. I heard a splat and felt blood splash against me. He didn't strike me. The blade he threw embedded itself into the ground beside my right hand. I could hear Armin's voice calling to me from somewhere in the distance.

". _..Eren! ...ink... it's time... now... orporal Levi..._ "

Shit! I can't believe I let myself fall asleep!

* * *

Levi looks at his hands and rubs his fingers together, clearly displeased.

"Disgusting. We'll talk about your half-assed cleaning later. Right now we need to focus on more pressing matters."

I cover my eyes with my hand, rubbing my brow in frustration. I _knew_ he wasn't going to be happy about this. I'm sure he doesn't blame me for the mess since the entire squad had two whole days to work on it. He probably won't say anything about my clearly superior cleaning skills, but I won't deny how much I'd love to hear him praise me for it in front of everyone. Especially Jean. Bastard.

Levi continues. "The situation in the cities is very unstable and it's pretty much our fault. No one is feeling particularly fond of the survey corps right now and it's best if we don't show our faces for a while. So we're going to stay here to keep Eren and Historia hidden while working out a plan for retaking Wall Maria."

Armin raises his hand, asking for permission to speak. I remember how, way back when we were in school together, Armin always had the answer to every question the teachers asked. His hand was the first one in the air every time. That habit carried over into training, and he still does it now. Everything was so much easier back then. I wish none of this ever happened.

"Levi, sir, I think we should explore the possibility that Eren may be able harden his titan body the way Annie and Reiner can. If Eren can harden into the same unbreakable material, we could use him to seal the hole in Wall Maria."

Does Armin not remember that Annie is permanently sealed inside that stuff? He can't mean having me do the same thing. Although... Annie and Reiner were able to harden parts of their skin at will and then shed the covering. Maybe I won't get stuck like Annie. I've never thought of that. That might actually work.

"Our main focus is sealing the hole in Wall Maria and if Eren can use this hardening ability to do it, we can accomplish our goal within a single day. Eren, can you do it?"

"I've never done it before, but I never knew I could do it either. I'd have to try it out to see if I can control it." Can I do it? I have no idea. I don't want to tell Levi I can't do it.

"We'll just have to find out then. Let's run some experiments with Hanji. We'll have to bring you to an even more remote place to make sure no one sees that flamboyant fireworks show you put on every time you transform. This sounds like our best shot. It's up to you, Eren."

"I'll do it." I need to do it. I need to prove that all the deaths I've caused weren't in vain, that everyone gave their lives in valiant service to humanity. I need to repay my debts. I don't want anyone else to die for me. Because of me.

"Good. Let's work on finding a good location and we'll head out there as soon as possible. Everyone's dismissed. I need to speak with Hanji and I strongly suggest making sure that this place is spotless by the time I get back."

I cross my arms over my chest, looking quite smug. I'm going to clean, too, but as soon as Levi's out of the room I'm so going to rub it in everyone's faces.

* * *

Levi passes Eren in the hallway of the small farmhouse, which _is_ now spotless. He says nothing to him as he grabs Eren by the strap of his chest harness and drags him in the direction the room they're sharing tonight.

Coupling had become a ritual for the two whenever they returned from a mission. The joining of their bodies strengthened them and provided them comfort and reassurance, and there was no better way than that to confirm to each other that they were both still alive. No one ever questioned them on why they both seemed to disappear immediately after returning to headquarters, but Levi maintained no illusions about their relationship being a secret anymore. If anyone objected to it, they never mentioned it. It's not like anyone would be able to do anything to separate them, not even the commander. Levi would make absolutely sure of that.

As they both hurriedly undress, tugging their boots off and throwing them across the room, not even bothering to hang their tangled harnesses, they share a few breathless words in between rushed, hungry kisses.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. All I could think about the whole ride here was you... and everything I'm going to do to you tonight."

Levi paused, pushing Eren back to arm's length, looking him in the eyes.

"Hanji's going to experiment on you tomorrow. You know I don't want that, right? I hate that you're always being used as a lab rat."

"I know, it's all right. I know we have to do it. It's the only way I can learn more about my abilities. I don't even know what kinds I have. It has to be done."

Levi says nothing, instead pushing forward to tackle Eren onto the bed, latching his mouth onto Eren's neck, devouring every centimeter of skin he could reach before yanking Eren's shirt up over his head.

"Mmm... Levi. Mmph, we can't... We can't, everyone's going to hear. Ah, _haaah_ , Levi, they're... They're right next door, they're going to hear us... _AH_!"

Levi pauses only for a second, raising his head just enough to growl into Eren's ear.

"Then we'll just have to be quiet, won't we."

* * *

The farmhouse is small and only Hanji, Levi and Eren have the luxury of having a private room all to themselves. The rest of the 104th is sharing the floor of the farmhouse's unfurnished living room, and none of them are getting any sleep tonight.

"Oh my god, make it stop!" Connie has his hands clamped over his ears and his eyes squeezed shut, trying to block out the noise. "I'm going to be scarred for life!"

Sasha seems oblivious to it all, counting on her fingers and mentally listing off everything she's going to cook after she goes hunting tomorrow.

"Mikasa, I... I think we should go outside. Mikasa, let's go outside." Armin is clutching to Mikasa's sleeve nervously, ears bright red, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I'll kill him. I'm going to break down that door and slit his throat. He's dead." Mikasa is ignoring Armin's pleas, steely grey eyes glinting with pure fury.

Jean just laughs at everyone's obvious discomfort at the rhythmic knocking on the wall and occasional muffled cries coming from the Corporal's quarters. "I knew it! I fucking knew it!"

A soft snore from the corner temporarily draws everyone's attention away from the source of their insomnia: Historia has actually managed to fall asleep.

* * *

At dawn, the exhausted team makes the long trek into the woods to begin running experiments on Eren. Everyone is slouching in their saddles, sporadically yawning and quietly grumbling amongst each other as they stare daggers into the backs of the very refreshed looking duo riding side-by-side at the front of the formation. Hanji, having taken the rear position of the convoy, earns themselves a stern look from the others when they turn their heads in unison at the sound of the excitable scientist's giggling.


	9. Help?

Author's note:

What's up with the formatting?! I can not get any of the formatting to stay and it ends up being all bunched together and without any breaks. Help! What am I doing wrong?


	10. Chapter 10

Hey everyone! Thanks for liking and following Perspective. I still haven't gotten the hang of using this site so I haven't uploaded the next chapters. It's a bit of a pain to format and post and edit on here. But! The story is complete, and if you'd like to see what happens to Levi and Eren next, you can read Perspective on AO3.

Perspective by shittybrat / shittyfoureyes

(archiveofourown dot org) /works/3783670/chapters/8415697

Thank you again!


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